Not ripe yet
by Kahuna Burger
Summary: Spike and Dru come to Sunnydale a bit earlier and Dru's visions cause a change of plans.
1. In the alley

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

**In which Spike comes to town a little earlier and Spander (eventually) ensues.**

If asked even a minute before, Xander woud have said that Buffy randomly deciding to do a little dirty dancing with him was of the Good. Like the really, dear God yes, good. Apparently you could change you mind a lot in the minute where something normally reserved for showers and really boring math classes became a reality. This was of the Messed Up.

"Did I ever thank you for saving my life?" Shimmying her ass up against him and was that what this was about, gratitude?

"Um, no." But she wasn't looking back at him, so he followed her gaze up to the balcony where Deadboy had turned away with an expression of pain and was leaving.

And just like that, show's over and and she turned cold. "Don't you wish-"

"Hey, does anyone have a phone? There's some guy out in the alley biting on a girl's neck!"

Crap, guess it's slay now, figure out what Buffy was possessed by later. Xander was reaching in his pocket for a stake and had taken a step towards the back door when he realized the Designated Slayer wasn't moving.

"Buffy?"

"I wonder why people wander into alleys to begin with?" She turned towards the bar, away from the exit. "Can't save them from themselves, right?"

Oh crap, really bad possession. Had Buffy visited a zoo in LA?

Xander considered going after her and arguing for a split second before realizing that his original thought was the right one with or without her. He hit the door running.

* * *

><p>Buffy probably would have distracted the vamp with a witty remark and showed off some fancy kicks before elegantly staking him. Xander had to settle for yanking him off of his victim and pushing her towards the still open door before the annoyed undead grabbed him and shoved him up against the wall. "Wow, they really are lining up to be eaten around here. Fine by-"<p>

Luckily if there was one slaying tactic Xander had mastered in the last year it was getting the stake in the right place and letting the vamp's momentum do the work for him. Some might think that it was a dangerous tactic, but it's not like he used it until the point where he was about to be lunch anyway. And the cloud of dust he was currently choking on wasn't going to tell anyone about his lack of witty remarks, right?

"Not bad for an amature," the low, accented voice was accompanied by a brief golf clap. Xander started to raise his stake again, but saw only a rush of black and white before he was pressed back against the alley wall, held casually by one hand on his shoulder while the new vamp twirled the hand carved weapon between his fingers.

_(Crap, I knew vamps were fast, but this guy is something else...)_

"Nice workmanship on the stake too." Now that he had a closeup view, Xander was first caught by the shock of platinum hair _(the undead bleach?)_ then by how pale he looked even for a member of the Living Disabled. Maybe it was the contrast with all the black he wore. The vampire brought the weapon closer to his ridged face, and sniffed, then his accent shifted from what Xander had been mentally identifying as streetwise-Giles to more of a faux cowboy. "Nothin' like a good piece of hickory."

Apparently bully related conditioning made Xander's mouth automatically run when pinned to walls. "I'm not sure if I'm more concerned by the scent identification of woods or a bloodsucking Clint Eastwood fan."

Bleach-vamp just laughed and tucked the stake away somewhere under the long leather coat he was wearing. _(Wow, that's nice, wonder if Buffy can convince him to take it off before she stakes him so it doesn't dust...) _Then he turned the full attention of those creepy yellow eyes on the boy he was holding with casual strength.

"Now entertaining as this is, I wanted a preview of the Slayer's moves. And unless they've changed the entrance requirements dramatically since I fought my last one, that's not you."

Xander tried to cover his panic at the implication that the distinctly non-dusted vamp had fought more than one Slayer in the past. "Well, you know how it goes with classic single sex institutions, the ACLU gets involved and it all ends up in court and then- Urk!"

"Funny, but not telling me what I need to know." The hand on his shoulder moved not so subtley to his throat and whether that was a quirk of a smile at his joke or a deliberate flash of fang it was sufficiently intimidating. "Slayer was in the club, yeah? But **you** come out here with a well worn stake. What are you, the bleeding Slayer's Auxilliary? Way too young to be part of the Wanker's Council, that's certain."

Probably shouldn't let him know the Slayer was possessed, and boy Xander hoped he lived long enough to talk to Giles about that. "I've been holding out for The Three Stake-ateers as a name, but yeah, we're friends. Figured one vamp that was cliche enough to bite girls in dark alleys didn't need the Buffster." And then he demonstrated that he really didn't know when to shut up. "Shouldn't you be avoiding Slayers, anyway? If you have a death wish, I hear they do sunrise cruises at the Marina..."

Another laugh even as the grip on his throat tightened slightly. "Oh, I've got a wish for death, pet, just not my own. Come to Sunny-hell to get my hat trick, then it's drinks all around for Ol' Spike, innit?" _(Hat trick? Drinks? Spike? Can I buy a vowel please? But hey, 'Sunny-hell' cause it's the hellsmouth! I'll have to use that one.)_ "Now the night isn't completely wasted, cause if you and the Slayer are mates, you can pass a message along, yeah?" The demonic face was suddenly much closer to his own and he was getting sniffed. "Then again, you don't neccassarily need to be breathing to pass it, do ya?"

At that moment, Xander Harris wished with all his heart and soul to be interupted by a witty quip in a female voice. So of course, the fates took the oppertunity to demonstrate just how much they hated the Harris clan.

"The mice have lived too long in the pet store and don't know to fear the smell of a cat. It makes them dull to hunt and they don't squeek at all prettily."

_(No, you stupid universe, witty quip, not sureal non-sequitor!)_

"Dru, love!" Xander felt himself yanked to the other end of alley towards a thin, dark haired woman in an old fashioned dress. "Princess, why are you out alone, this town is dangerous until I've killed the Slayer! I was going to bring someone home for you in case you were hungry." The vamp had dropped out of gameface _(holy crap, he's beautiful)_ and his cocky, dangerous voice was suddenly so gentle that the idea of bringing someone back to a lair to be eaten seemed terribly sweet _(ladies and gentlemen, I have lost it)._

"Miss Edith wanted to have a tea party and none of the minions were thirsty, so we came looking for guests..." The woman displayed an old and broken doll then cuddled it mournfully.

Xander felt the vamp's hand clench in anger, and was greatful the grip had shifted back to his arm for dragging, but his tone remained gentle. "Well, when we get back you can point out which ones were so rude to Miss Edith and then let you walk unescorted, and I'll discuss with them how gentlemen should treat two such fine ladies as yourselves, yeah?"

The woman _(vamp?) _clapped her hands in childish delight and addressed the doll. "Did you hear? Dear Spike will get us guests for our tea party and he knows how to be sure they don't leave early!" Her eyes settled for the first time on Xander. "Will the kitten come for tea with us too?"

_(Oh no, please no crazy lady tea parties for the Xan Man!)_

Bleach-vamp _(Spike?)_ looked at him as well and for a moment thoughts of minions and tea were pushed out of his head by the crystal blue those eyes took on in human guise. "Kitten, eh luv? He's the Slayer's boy, was just trying to decide whether to kill 'em, turn 'em or send 'em breathing."

"And for those keeping count, we have one vote for 'breathing' here!" Did Buffy really just go on with her evening? Had she not even noticed him not coming back yet? _(You better be possessed, Buff, or we are having some serious words.)_

"Not a democracy, Stake-ateer," but there was a hint of a laugh in the voice even as he was shaken. "Princess, do you want to drain him, you need to keep up your strength. He smells nice and fresh, I'm sure he's a nummy treat." And again with the insanity, because the wheedling, hopeful tone almost made Xander hope the nice lady would consent to kill him for her own good. _(I smell fresh? That better not be a virginity crack like with the bug teacher...)_

"Oh no, no draining!" She tapped Spike sharply on the nose, startling a strangled giggle from his captive. "The kitten hasn't finished his cream yet!"

_(Er, what?) _The vamp eyed him apraisingly. "Hasn't he, luv?"

"No, no, he's so much more to drink before he's ripe, and if you pluck a kitten too early, his armor shan't fit yet and the jam will be sour."

_(... uh... er...)_ "Is it possible to sprain your brain?" That was his voice so Xander supposed he had said it.

Spike just chuckled. "Sees things, my Dark Plum does. Apparently fancies you being around a bit longer, so you get to deliver the message alive and Dru and I will find a snack elsewhere." _(Oh, good. No wait, bad! Vampires killing people is bad! Even if it's not me.)_ "Now you tell your pal and the rest of her Slayer's Auxilliary that I dropped by, and she needs to get her rest and be in tip top shape tomorrow night, yeah?"

"Um, what's happening tomorrow night?"

The vamp grinned happily and clapped Xander on the shoulder. "Well, that's when I'm gonna kill her, innit?" And the two were gone is a swirl of silk and leather, leaving the human standing in the alley in shock.

_(I gotta get to Giles.)_


	2. At the library

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

**Warning : Parts of this fic could be accused of Buffy-Bashing. On the other hand, so could much of Season Two if it was described by someone who wasn't a fan of the character.**

**A/N : Thank all the reviewers for their encouragement. Is this quick enough to get my nickel?**

"Buffy's possessed and some peroxide head wants to kill her for a hat." Okay, it might not have been the calmest way of opening the topic, but looking around the library, he had a feeling he wasn't completely changing the subject.

Giles' attempt to remove his glasses and polish them was short circuited by already having them in his hands, leading to a bit of fumbling while Angel brooded a little more and Willow pointed at Xander triumphantly.

"See! I told you guys, she isn't acting like Buffy! It's like when Xander was a hyena person, before the mascot eating part! We have to intervene **before** anything gets eaten this time!" The pointing became slightly less triumphant. "Wait, what about a hat?"

"Yes, well, I understand that there are concerns, considering the prior experiences, but sometimes a teenager acting out is simply a teenager acting out." The Watcher peered over his now spotless glasses at the newest arrival to the impromptu Slayer Summit. "Did anything happen after Buffy's, er, behavior at the Bronze that has you concerned, Xander?"

"That depends on whether Deadboy left before she decided that people in alleys didn't deserve to be saved from vamps and let me deal with an attack on my own."_ (Not that I'm bitter about the near death experience or anything.)_

There was some gaping and then :

"You better have left before that if you didn't help him, Angel!"

"Oh dear lord, are you serious?"

"Crap, I shouldn't have let her drive me off!"

After a moment of babbling, Giles quieted the other two and gave Xander more of a serious look than he'd seen since the last apocalypse. "I need you to be very clear, are you saying that there was a vampire putting someone in danger and Buffy deliberately walked away from the situation? This is strong accusation to be making towards a Slayer."

_(Don't I know it G-Man.)_ "Some guy ran past us looking for a phone because a girl was getting her neck chewed on in the alley. Buffy said something about people who would be in alleys to begin with and 'can't save them from themselves' and went to get a drink." He swallowed hard as a distinctly non-librarian-like look settled over Giles' face but continued. "I was out there for a while, which is another issue we have to talk about, but the point right now is she never came out, and when I went back in she wasn't in the club anymore, I guess she left by the front door."

A minute or so of Xander looking uncomfortable, Giles looking stormy and Angel looking inexplicably resentful towards Xander, then Willow broke the silence.

"Okay so this is bad, I understand that this is bad, like Bad Slayer No Biscuit in the dereliction of slaying sense and I'm sure there's some sort of Watcher procedure to be followed, but surely we want to figured out if there's a possession involved first, or severe emotional trauma, you have to consider extenuating circumstances before jumping in with the Watcher Inquisition, and-"

"Yes, Willow, I think we all see your point." Giles began rubbing his temples and pacing. "And while I have no intention of reporting to the Council until we fully understand the situation, I'm not going to ignore it either. Xander, you seem unharmed, were you able to drive off the vampire in question before the victim was killed?"

"Actually I managed to dust the initial vamp." _(Wait for the applause... wait for it... fine, let's move on.) _"But it was a setup. There was another there just watching, I think he might have actually been the one who raised the alarm in the Bronze. He wanted to see Buffy fight, get a preview of her moves or something. He said he was going to kill her tomorrow night and he acted like he'd fought Slayers before."

Willow gave the expected gasp of shock and horror, but Giles seemed only slightly concerned and Deadboy actually snorted. "I doubt it's that bad, Harris. Vampires like to talk themselves up just as much as anyone. A master who wanted Buffy out of the way to take over here wouldn't be giving warnings and trying to set it up like some kind of showdown at high noon-"

"Or midnight, vamps not being noonish people," Willow put in.

"My **point** is, he'd send in a wave of minions to take her down, maybe step in at the last minute to get the killing blow. This sounds like some jumped up fledge who got a lucky hit in on one Slayer and thinks it makes _him_ something special instead of the one who was there when she got unlucky."

It made sense, but Xander frowned. That guy didn't move like a jumped up fledge. He **was** something... _(Not special, that sounds so girly!) _Something different.

"Indeed," Giles stepped in, "While it is strongly discouraged, there have been several accounts of Watchers actually seeking out the vampire group that their Slayer died facing and being able to eliminate them through a daylight assault on the nest. In those cases where a Slayer is killed by a Master, it is usually through some combination of trickery, thrall and their followers, rather than a one on one battle. Vampires who go for that sort of flashy risk taking simply don't live long enough to be masters."

Angel nodded, occupying himself with carving a stake. "Of course with Buffy's... problems, even a cocky risk taker could be a danger, so we should make sure her head is in the game when this guy bugs her. Though if it is just issues from what happened with the Master, a quick dusting of the pretentious sap could be exactly what she needs." He sighted down the wooden weapon and began evening the sides. "What were you saying about a hat, again?"

_(Not pretentious, but surely Buffy can take him if she's not possessed...)_ "Um, he said he was here to get a hat trick, 'then it's drinks all around for ol' Spike, in-' Angel?" His poor imitation skills were cut off when the stake in the vampire's hand pretty much shattered and the knife went flying across the floor where Willow dodged it with a sharp yelp.

"Spike! He said his name was Spike?" Angel was looking at him in shock and horror. "What did this guy look like?"

"Uh, little on the short side, kinda wiry rather than muscle bound, bleach blond hair with a gel overdose..." _(Must avoid words like 'gorgeous' and 'stunning') _"Pale even for a vamp, blue eyes and cheekbones you could cut yourself on in human face... scar on one eyebrow, I didn't think vamps scarred?" The look of horror was getting worse. "And, yeah, the crazy lady vamp who came looking for him called him 'Spike' too, I think."

"Crazy... Lady... Vamp?" Could vampires have heart attacks? Xander thought if Angel breathed he'd be hyperventilating by now.

"Pretty sure she was a vamp, definitely crazy. She was talking about mice and kittens and jam and she had this doll she talked to called Miss Edith."

Giles was staring at Angel while Willow gazed at Xander with 'You had to deal with THREE vamps on your own?' practically tattooed on her forehead. Finally the dark vampire visibly calmed himself and took a deep if unneeded breath.

"Right, so... Everything I said a minute ago about what we're dealing with? Ignore that."

* * *

><p><em>(Sigh. Another night, another library.)<em> Well, okay, it's the same library, but another Slayer Summit, this one with definite intervention overtones. And a side order of 'Ack, they're trying to raise The Master.'

"Oh it's definitely me. He killed me, I killed him, we were very close." Xander had never seen Buffy so closed off and angry. They had ruled out possession at the beginning of the meeting, and it seemed the current theory was that she was just working out some issues over having died. _(Is it really about those few minutes she was dead, though, or the fact that she lost? That a vamp beat her and now she knows it could happen again?)_

"The problem with that assumption is this new vampire who wishes to fight you." Giles had decided to work out the current crisis before dealing with the whole 'dereliction of slaying' issue, but had assured Xander before the meeting that he was still very concerned, and his tone indicated some irritation. "The, er, 'challenger' is of the line of Aurelius, and would thus be subject to this 'Anointed One' who we presume is leading the effort to return the Master. Certainly he would not be permitted to kill the person necessary to bringing back the head of the Order."

Buffy snorted. "Maybe this guy is annoying them and they just want him to get killed. I don't know why you're worried about this Spark guy-"

"Spike," Angel interjected with mild annoyance. He had seemed even broodier than usual since he had discovered that the mystery vamps were some sort of relatives of his. Not that this had inspired him to pony up any really useful information, more along the lines of portents of doom and gloom.

"Known more commonly in the Watchers' Diaries as William the Bloody." Once Giles had done some reading, he was portending right along with Deadboy. "He is an unusually powerful vampire for his age and also unusual in his attitude towards Slayers and other vampire hunters. He has fought two slayers, not in the course of his hunts or to defend a territory, but apparently seeking them out for the sheer challenge of it and facing them one on one."

"Great, first I'm a tool in a prophecy, and now I'm Everest or something? Look, he's a vamp. I'll fight him, I'll dust him, we'll move on to something more-" She was interrupted by a vampire crashing through the library window, which would have been more impressive had he not landed on his side and looked around in terror.

"Ah! Slayer! Um, I have a message, I'm not here to fight, don't stake me, just carrying a message and-" Buffy interrupted right back with a stake to the heart after yanking a slim jewelry box out of the fledge's shaking hand. Opening it, she pulled out a neatly folded parchment and stared at the object underneath.

"I think this is the necklace Cordelia was wearing last night..." She unfolded the note and after a slight double take, read it. _"Miss Cordelia Chase, of Sunnydale California, respectfully requests the attendance of the Slayer, called Buffy, at the Bronze this evening. As refreshments are limited, should anyone else accompany the Slayer, Miss Chase will find it necessary to provide a meal from her veins_... This is, bar none, the weirdest ransom slash threat note I have ever read. And did they break into a computer lab to print it out, this looks like some super fancy font you'd use on wedding announcements."

"It's called handwriting, Buffy, and I do hope you aren't considering following through on this." Giles was already in full polish mode as he looked at the message over his Slayer's shoulder.

"Yeah, it's so obviously a trap!" Willow looked to Xander for support but he waffled.

"I'd actually call it more of a calling out. It's only a trap if she gets there and is jumped by a dozen vamps instead of seeing Captain Peroxide standing around smirking."

Angel scowled. "Unfortunately it will almost definitely be Spike. He wants his third Slayer, and he won't want any interference in the fight from either side."

"God, what part of 'vampire slayer' does this lamebrain not understand?" Buffy grabbed a stake from the table and headed for the doors. "Look, I'll dust Spock and get Cordy, you guys figure out where I need to go to prevent them from bringing the Master back and we'll call it a night. Back in a few!"

"It's Spike!" The dark haired vamp looked helplessly at the others for a moment before Giles motioned him towards the door. "Right, she'll need... in case there are others... she might need backup." Xander exchanged a look with both other men, none of them speaking their fears that Buffy would need backup even if this strange new vampire came alone. At least he didn't have to threaten Deadboy to get him to help this time.

"Very well then, Willow, have you turned up any useful police reports of 'gang activity' in the local warehouses or cemeteries?"

The redhead blushed; before the vamp gate-crasher she had been buried in the computer, trying not to take sides in the intervention. "Obviously this kind of thing doesn't make it to arrest reports so I've been reading dispatch transcripts... An officer was sent to an old factory on the south side of town last night with a sighting of some people carrying a large bundle. But he checked it and called in everything okay. Huh, actually he called in and said 'All is quiet and still and the mice need not worry for cats' and then when he was asked to clarify gave a more professional all clear."

"Yeah... can vampires do the Jedi Mind Trick, because that was just one step away from 'these are not the Master's bones we're looking for' and Crazy Tea Vamp was going on about mice and cats last night." Xander looked over his friend's shoulder for the address and found it on the city map they had been marking for possible ritual locations earlier.

Giles snorted softly as he turned back to the ritual text they had been discussing earlier. "If that vampire is, as we suspect, Spike's sire Drusilla, she is somewhat famous in the Council records for her abilities at thrall. That and a possible precognitive facility are assumed to be the main reasons Spike continues to travel with and defer to her, in spite of her mental instability."

_(That and he obviously loves her... but G-Man always says that vamps can't love.)_

"While knowing the location is good if we have to stop the ritual directly, I would rather determine the sacrifice needed and prevent them from acquiring whomever it is... Now this is definitely speaking of a human or humans, and it is to be those... Oh dear Lord."

Xander looked up from the map as the librarian leapt to his feet and headed for the weapons cage. "Not closest as in relationships, **nearest**! Willow, call Ms Calendar, Xander-" They heard more breaking glass and Giles stopped him as he moved to grab a crossbow. "No! You weren't here, they don't need you alive, get to Buffy and tell her!"

The vamps apparently knew who they were there for, because other than a halfhearted grab as he threw himself towards the doors, he wasn't stopped. Fear for Willow pounding in his blood, Xander began sprinting towards the Bronze.

_(If they hurt her, you better hope Spike kills you before I get a chance, Buffy.)_

**A/N : This is looking to be a long fic, and the plan is to post one chapter a week. Reviews give me warm fuzzies and keep me focused.**

**A/N2 : This is a slow burn Spander. Don't be hoping for more than instantly repressed crushing for a while or you'll be disappointed.**


	3. One good day

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

As he pounded down the streets, hoping not to run into any stray vamps, Xander played "Best Case / Worst Case" in his head.

Best case, Spike and Dru are already dust when he gets there, his message gets Buffy and Deadboy to the factory in time and all the surviving vampires decide to leave town in terror. Worst case, Buffy and Deadboy are dead, and Dru declares him all fed up on cream and drains him for an after-Slayer cordial.

No wait, worst case, Buffy is dead and Deadboy is snacking on her with his long lost vamp family. The evil undead liar guy then tells Dru that if the Xan Man isn't ripe yet, they can keep him at their lair as a chew toy until he is. His dad has been turned and is Angel's new head minion. The rest of the minions dress as clowns.

_(Dress as clowns? Seriously? That goes beyond 'worst case' into 'acid trip', Xander.)_

Halfway there, breathe through the cramp... Okay, **best** best case, Deadboy is dust and he arrives just in time to give Buffy the assist she needs to dust Spike. They rescue the others together and the Buff-ster realizes that a heroic but human guy like him was what she needed all along. Cue post slaying rub down / injury check fantasy.

...Um hello, cue the fantasy please? _(Yeah, like yesterday in the Bronze?) _Okay, so the Slayer fantasy machine took a little damage when one of its classics was used as a cock tease and boyfriend taunting tool, but that's no reason to abandon all hope, right? **Right? **_(No, all hope was abandoned when she left Willow unprotected because she wouldn't think or listen.) _Yeah, that. Thanks for bringing the mind numbing terror of the situation back into focus, stupid brain. But let's go back to hoping Deadboy's alive, he's needed for Willow saving.

When the club came into sight, he slowed to a walk, hoping to quiet his breathing enough for something resembling a stealthy entrance. The front doors were ajar and he could hear fighting, but he decided to try the fire escape before following the big "Enter Trap Here" sign.

As he slipped his shoes off so he could use his toes in climbing the cage around the bottom of the stairs, Xander forcibly pushed aside the memory of the last time he did this, a week before Buffy came to town when Jesse's favorite band was playing at the Bronze and they couldn't afford the cover charge. _(Just focus, Xan-Man, I can't lose Willow to those bloodsuckers too.)_

The window was just as easy to jimmy open as ever, and he moved quickly across the balcony only to freeze for a moment in horror once he could see the main floor. Angel was on the stage, kneeling face to face with Drusilla _(is she wearing Cordy's clothes?) _seemingly hypnotized. Spike and Buffy were on the dance floor, and from the condition of the surrounding tables, they had been at it for a while.

The shocking realization was that Buffy had obviously taken the worst of it. She had blood down her face from a cut on her scalp and her right arm hung broken by her side while she gripped a makeshift stake in her left hand. Xander instinctively looked for drifts of dust from the minions she must have been overwhelmed by _(so much for vampire sportsmanship) _but there was no sign other vamps had been there. Spike had a bruise on his face, but was moving confidently as he advanced, twirling a pool cue like a quarterstaff.

"I mean seriously? This is the girl who killed the Master?" He pushed the stake aside with the cue and kicked Buffy hard in the chest, knocking her against another table close to the balcony. "I came here looking for a _dance_, luv, not a victim."

_(He sounds like she ruined his birthday party or something.)_ Xander pulled a stake and a cross from his pocket and clambered over the railing as quietly as he could, waiting until the vampire had its back to him and tensing to jump. Just as he committed himself, Buffy looked up and saw him. "Xander, no!"

And it's the best case / worst case flash round. Best case, Spike assumes it's a trick, doesn't move and gets staked. Worst case involves a Xander-kabob on a pool cue.

In between was reality, where Spike rolled to the side while staying focused on Buffy and took the stake to the shoulder. "Hey! This is a private party!" Xander was hurled away, tumbling across the dance floor to smash up against the stage. He looked up to see the vampire catch Buffy's thrown stake out of the air and toss it casually aside. "Let's wrap this up then, shall we? There's still time to find someone tonight who'll give me a **good** fight."

Staggering to his feet, Xander heard a familiar crooning from the stage above him. "I see you Daddy, all trapped in the burning cage, but the cage has a lock, it wasn't built all one piece, you see, they put a door to make the rest stronger. But where is the key, open up, Daddy, show me the key..."

_(Daddy? Burning Cage?) _He felt for his second stake, determined to at least distract Spike if it would give Buffy another chance to dust him. _(He's so strong, though, he's not at all afraid of Buffy, at least for his own sake, he was angry his girlfriend was out and about alone...)_ And he turned away from the sight of the Slayer barely holding off a flurry of blows to scramble onto the stage.

"Oh I see it, the lock is a beautiful flower and the key must make it bloom with joy, the stars hid the key in the sun and when you reach for it the light will burn away the c- OH!" For a split second Xander felt like a bully, yanking the mad vampire to her feet and placing the stake against her breast, but her cry stopped Spike just as he had pinned Buffy to his chest, good arm trapped at her side. _(Please love your 'princess' as much as it seems you do, __**please**__!)_

"Spike! We're gonna have to call a time-out on this, sorry, Buffy has to go now. Get to the old machinist factory by the cannery, Buff, it was a trap for Wills and Giles! They're the sacrifice with Cordy and Ms Calendar!" He started kicking Angel who had collapsed when eye contact with Drusilla was broken. "Get the fuck up, Deadboy, if you don't get Willow out of there in time I'm gonna be buying a nice urn to keep you in."

"I'm sorry dear William, you must let the bad girl go!" The vampire felt like she weighed nothing, and seemed to relax into Xander's arms as if he was embracing her rather than threatening her existence. "Grand papa is angry that he shan't dance again, but we will have a family reunion soon enough."

Angel pulled himself up on a mic stand and after a grudgingly impressed look at Xander began making his way across the floor. Spike stood frozen for a moment then his fangs fell away and he very deliberately leaned down and laid a loud kiss on Buffy's neck, just over the vein. "Looks like you get a second chance at our dance, Slayer. Eat your Wheaties next time, yeah, cause your Stake-ateer won't always be around to tag you out."

For a moment she just stared as the vampire let go and backed away, and she almost looked like she might try to attack him again. _(I will let him kill you and take Deadboy to get the others, I swear.)_ "Buffy, **go**! I'll keep Spike here, just get to Willow!" After a long, sad look his way, she ran out the door, Angel behind her.

* * *

><p>"Bye Buff." He gazed out the club doors, knowing he'd seen the last of his friend, before the ring of boot heels on the dance floor brought his attention back to the source of his imminent demise.<p>

"Now it seems to me, Stake-ateer, that you have a choice to make." Spike was human faced and unarmed and it did nothing to make him any less scary at that moment. "You're going to die, no choice there once you decided to touch my girl, but you let her go right now and you get to die quick. Hold on to her any longer and I'll take all night killing you." His voice was cold, but Xander was almost sure that what he saw in those blue eyes wasn't bloodlust but fear. "Hurt one hair on my Princess's head, and when I'm done taking you apart, I'll bring you back as something sturdy enough to last **weeks** before your second death."

"Um, as appealing an idea of a quick death is, well, you know, compared to the other options on tap, I told Buffy I'd keep you here and she's gonna have enough trouble stopping the ritual in the shape she's in without you going after her." The vampire leapt lightly onto the stage and walked calmly towards them. "So maybe we could all just relax for an hour or so, um, you can tell me all the ways you're going to kill me and once the Buff-ster and Deadboy have had a chance to make with the rescue, we'll call it a night?"

Spike raised an eyebrow and slowed slightly. "You call Angelus, Scourge of Europe and snacker on nunneries, 'Deadboy'? Exactly what are your balls made of, Stake-ateer?"

"Ew, nunneries? No wonder the guy broods so much." Xander closed his eyes momentarily for for an only-slightly-mock shudder... which turned out to be a very bad idea when a vampire is stalking towards you waiting for a moment to pounce. He barely felt the rush of air and then he was opening his eyes to find a fanged face directly in front of his and his stake skittering across the stage. "Uh, I suppose it's too late for the quick death option?" _(Well, at least if he takes all night that'll stop him from going to the factory...)_

"Oh no, I said no death for the Kitten!" Drusilla spun into the other vampire's arms, smoothly moving him a step back from the object of his ire. "Not quick, not slow, not turned! He's still not ripe!"

Xander had only seen that gobsmacked look on a vamp face for a split second at a time before it turned to dust, to the point that he thought of it as the 'Who with the what stake?' look. It was even funnier when it lasted longer, but he successfully resisted the urge to laugh due to the whole fear of death issue. "Are you serious, Princess? He threatened to dust you! He let the Slayer get away! He- he..." Spike felt at his injured shoulder and stepped back from Drusilla to wave his arms. "He _tore_ my **coat**!"

"Don't pout at Mummy, sweet boy, the bad girl had to leave so that Daddy can come back to us. You mustn't kill her yet!"

"Mustn't. Kill. The Slayer?" Gobsmacked no longer covered the vampire's expression. "Oh well that's just lovely isn't it? Can't kill the Slayer, can't kill her little sidekicks, is there anyone in this cultural wasteland of a town I **can** kill or did we come here to take up vegetarianism?" He turned away and began smashing the amps and stools scattered around the stage as his rage increased.

"Foolish me,** I **thought we were here to get you better, which I can't do without that pretentious fledge's resources! And how were we going to get into the Court's good graces? Oh yeah, by me killing the Slayer! Do you even want to get better? Or do you **like** wasting away like my- like some mortal chit from before doctors could do anything useful?"

Looking away from the super powered temper tantrum, Xander saw something even more frightening. Drusilla was staring at Spike and her chin was starting to quiver. A brightness was starting in her eyes that had no relation to demonic gold and instincts honed by years of friendship with child-Willow told him to reach minimum safe distance before-

"Whaaaaaaaa!" _(Crap, give her back her Barbie, give her back her Barbie!)_ "Eh, eh... Whaaaaaaa!" _(Augh, she doesn't __**have**__ a Barbie, how do I make her stop crying?)_

"Oh, Princess!" Spike was suddenly human faced and kneeling at the other vampire's feet. "No, I'm sorry, Dru, please don't cry, I'm a bad, rude man who doesn't deserve his princess, I am. I didn't want to go killing a third Slayer anyway, now did I? I'll find some other way to make the Annoying One happy, or I'll just dust him, and we can, um..." He looked desperately around and Xander, who had lost track of whether he was still in mortal peril three world tilts back, found himself scooping up the broken doll that lay off to side of the stage and tossing it over. "Right, we'll take Miss Edith home and make some tea, won't we? And- and we can stop at that toy store and get her some new dresses, yeah?"

"And a pretty chair?"

"The very prettiest chair she ever saw." Xander had no idea whether to stand in awe of a woman who could keep a master vampire that whipped or take groveling notes for if he ever got a girlfriend, but he settled for slumping down in exhausted relief as the pair made their way out of the Bronze.

"And a chair for the Kitten for when he comes to tea?"

"Sure, love, and some dresses for him too."

Tinkling laughter floated back through the still open doors. "Silly Spike, he's a boy kitten! We shall get him a vest and fancy hat!"

Maybe the relief had been premature...

**A/N : Spike beat Buffy at parent teacher night, and she wasn't still having her post Master freak out. Buffy's greatest strength has always been her friends and family, not any better fighting ability than other Slayers. Spike's strength on the other hand is in raw fighting ability and sheer cussedness. Also hotness.**

**A/N2 : I can't help it, I just love Spike's "I'm a bad, rude, man" grovel. His ability to switch from punk bad-ass to worshipful boyfriend at the drop of a hat is what drew me to the character from his very first scene. **


	4. On a tombstone

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

"Why sure, Buffy, you can skip a night of slaying to make lemonade for Parent Teacher night! Why not? And feel free to take it for granted that Willow and I will be your little minions and help you! Not like we have a life!"

Xander scowled at himself for a moment as he walked down the darkening cemetery lane. _(Fine, I __**don't**__ have a life, what of it?)_ He gripped his stake a little harder and consulted Willow's roughly drawn map. "Okay, Melinda West, Beloved Wife and Mother, come on down! You're the next contestant on 'Does Anyone Really Believe You Fell On A Barbeque Fork?' Ah, there you are..."

Seeing the undisturbed dirt, he settled on a nearby gravestone and waited for the sun to fully set. Buffy had insisted that this victim probably wouldn't rise until tomorrow night, and Giles had been distracted by Snyder's mundane but bone deep brand of evil, but Xander wasn't going to let Mrs West have an extra night of victims so Buffy could score good student points.

Anyway, if she was unlikely to rise tonight, then shouldn't that mean she would be weaker if she did? Like, not fully rested? _(Sure, she'll crawl from her grave and hit the snooze alarm.)_

Well, it gave him a good excuse not to help Buffy. Willow had been instant forgiveness support-o-girl and since she **was** the one hung upside down and almost sacrificed, Xander had gone along, but... still a little bitter about the 'only alive because Crazy Tea Vamp thinks I'm a kitten' issue. It hadn't helped when he found a gaily wrapped box on his back porch the next morning containing a top hat and vest.

* * *

><p>Catching chips in your mouth was harder than most people thought. Popcorn was nice and round and followed a set trajectory, but chips were so thin and not quite aerodynamic, it was like playing catch with a badly folded paper airplane. But Xander was dedicated to his craft, and was up to a 75% retrieval rate when it was brought home to him that chips were too noisy for a cemetery stakeout.<p>

"Hey a snack eating snack food!"_ (Dude, so lame.) _He looked up and saw a pair of game faced vampires walking towards him. _(Bad.) _And another pair behind them._ (Worse.) _Then he caught sight of a single one flanking him. _(Oh yeah, I'm dead.)_

"Hey there, are you guys with the party?" He set the chips down and eased a hand back for the stake he had set on the tombstone while waiting. "I heard there was going to be a big party here, and I thought it was on this side, but you're the first people I've seen, so I was beginning to wonder if it was East side after all, and-" Deciding that the group wasn't going to be sent away for an imaginary larger group of meals, Xander went for Plan B - stake the single vamp to the side and run like hell through his dust.

Unfortunately the vamp did one of those delayed reaction dustings, which made for hilarious faces, but not such good escapes. He ran into the heavy set figure while it was still solid, then stumbled to his knees when it disappeared a second later. He scrambled in the dirt, having decided that facing his enemies and getting the stake in position was more important than standing, and saw the remaining four vamps surrounding him growling.

"Oh bloody hell, Stake-ateer, your form is awful!" A familiar figure strode into the circle of vamps, and Xander honestly had no idea if this constituted an improvement in his situation or things getting even worse. "You've got to end a staking with a sort of snap back, like a jab in boxing, not a haymaker, yeah? Like this." And pulling a stake out of his duster pocket _(Is that the same one he stole from me?)_ Spike dusted the vampire beside him, yanking the weapon back immediately to bring it into a ready position.

"What the fuck?" _(Right there in shock with you, buddy.) _"You... traitor! Kill him!" The remaining attackers leapt towards the blond, who didn't use the stake at all, rather sweeping the legs from beneath one, punching another hard enough to slam it into a gravestone and grabbing the third by the arm and neck to point him towards a now standing (and very confused) Xander.

"You try it."

_(We now interrupt this insanity for a little gibbering.)_ "What? Try...? What!"

"Stake him the way I showed you." It was said like the most reasonable suggestion in the world, as Spike let go and stepped back to land a crunching stomp on the prone vampire's knee and slam the other against a tree before he could flee.

Left facing a free and very angry vamp, he figured that staking was probably his best bet, and gave it the old probably-never-going-to-college try. _(Okay, jab not a haymaker...) _Unfortunately this vampire knew it was coming and grabbed his wrist, twisting it cruelly and yanking the stake out of his hand. Growling, "Stay here until I have time to eat you, asshole," he raised the stake and stalked towards Spike. "I don't know who you think you are, but nobody messes with my crew, you hear?"

_(Blah, blah, blah, don't mind the puny human getting his backup stake...)_ Spike was largely ignoring the angry vamp coming at him, instead watching Xander, and the look of disappointment changed to a smirk of approval as the teen lunged forward and staked his target in the back left handed. He managed the pull back this time, though he still felt a little off balance and the blond grinned at him.

"Not perfect, but good for your off hand, you train with both?"

"Uh, I don't really train, exactly, but I'm a switch hitter." _(Ew, no leering, no leering!) _"In baseball! Batting in the game called baseball!" _(Was he leering on principle or actually at me? Not that I care except to run away!)_

"Right then, we'll see if I can get to first base later." _(He's gotta be kidding, he has a very nice, insane, unlife partner.) _"Now, you need to adjust your stance a little so the snap back doesn't throw you off balance." Casually pulling a knife from behind his back, he slammed it through the throat of the vampire he was holding, pinning him to the tree.

"Ah! You just... you... should you really be killing the minions?"

Spike snorted as he pulled Xander to the side so he could see well. "These aren't minions, they're crumbs. Now watch my stance, you have to stay centered as you move and root yourself before the strike." He moved forward, stopping his strike just as it scratched the vampire's chest. "Give it a go."

_(Gibber? Gibber gibber.)_ "Crumbs?" The vamp looked pretty pathetic there, but apparently he was going to be dusted either way so... "Um, okay."

He tried to settle himself into the stance Spike had used and move and stay centered at the same time. It seemed to click into a muscle memory, the summers of baseball with Jesse, the way he felt when he was moving into position to catch or throw the ball. He took a few steps and planted the stake solidly, jerking it back as his target fell to ash.

The same polite golf clap that had introduced him to the blond vamp a few weeks ago was less surprising this time. "Much better, pet. You'll need practice, though, and to work on how to deal with an opponent who already sees you as a threat." He pulled his knife free from the tree and knelt to smoothly decapitate the last vamp as it tried to crawl away. "So," he said cheerfully as he lounged on a large gravestone, "what are you doing out here without the rest of the Auxiliary, anyway?"

* * *

><p>After indicating the recent internment of this evening's Beloved Wife and Mother and waving his stake in what he hoped was an explanatory rather than threatening fashion, Xander had retrieved his chips and settled back in his watch position. Then he took a minute or two to cope with the fact that William The Bloody, Slayer of Slayers and all around Big Bad, had apparently decided to hang out with him.<p>

_(More gibbering?)_ No, brain, we are going to pull it together. "So, uh, what are you doing here?"

"I was bloody bored, and Dru said you would be here and I should check on you."_ (Okay, maybe a little gibbering, I'd really hoped she had been distracted by a shiny object and forgotten me by now.) _"Well, those weren't her exact words, but it's what she meant and seems she was right."

"Oh." Making conversation with a bored serial killer. Tricky. "Uh, why were you bored?"

"Because that sodding fledge what thinks he's a master is on a tear about the stupid feast coming up, and has everyone chanting and burning awful smelling incense, and Dru thinks it's the best party ever and can feel the darkness welling up in the world or some such bollocks, and I love her like crazy, but I _do not _chant, or wear poncy red robes, and I certainly don't open myself as a vessel for the power of some ancient vampire who obviously wasn't all that as he got himself dusted, and there's nothing else to do at the lair cause those idiots don't even have a telly!"

Xander stared for a moment. "Wow, that not needing to breathe thing really helps with ranting, doesn't it?"

Spike glared at him a moment before pulling out a cigarette and lighter and continuing in a slightly calmer tone. "I tell you, if I didn't need those tossers' help to get Dru better, I would stake the lot of them myself and get out of this pathetic town. I could dust the Annoying One and take over, but he's got too many of the Master's old guard fawning over him and I'd end up having to kill the whole Court whether I wanted to or not." He scowled at the injustice of it all. "You'd think if I had to let the Slayer go she could have at least put a dent in the chanting, stinking wankers. Did she dust any of them?"

Xander rolled his eyes. "Sorry, Blood Breath, if you wanted her to be able to do more than play keep-away with the Master's bones while Deadboy got everyone loose, you shouldn't have broken her arm."

"Yeah, I heard she ended up tossing them under an oncoming lorry, the Annoying One's been crying over an urn of bone shards and cursing her name... Did you just call me 'Blood Breath'?"

_(Would he believe me if I said no? Do I have time for my life to flash before my eyes?)_ "Uh..." He looked cautiously over, to see Spike's face twitching in an attempt to look stern. When he gave a hysterical giggle, the vamp gave up and burst into raucous laughter.

"You either have balls the size of the moon or no survival instinct whatsoever, Stake-ateer. You just watch that mouth around my Princess though, yeah?"

Xander nodded vigorously. "Trust me, even I don't have little enough survival instinct to mock a master vampire's Princess. How, um... how is she doing? You'd said a couple of times about her being... sick?"

Spike's face fell, and he was struck by how expressive it was out of game face. "She was attacked by a mob in Prague. It's not like here, modern amenities or not, that part of the world is in far less denial of what walks the night, and they aren't ashamed to educate their youth on it. And Dru had taken one of her funny turns, had a message from the stars or the stars told Miss Edith, I forget which, and wanted to dance with children in the square." Another cigarette was lit, and smoked in silence for a minute while Xander tried very hard not to wonder what that was crazy vamp lady code for.

"I spent over a week watching her every move during the night to keep her from doing something that would draw attention, and up most of the day to make sure that she didn't get so caught up in her determination that she forgot that whole 'can't go in the sun' thing. We were traveling light with only one minion, and she was a shy little thing what wouldn't deny Dru if she wanted to bathe in holy water."

"Eventually I got so worn down that she was able to use a light thrall on me, told me to go to sleep and dream of New York. By the time I woke up and caught up to her, she had been cornered by a mob and they were... tearing her to pieces. Literally. She spent three days on the edge of dust, and all I could do was pour blood into her and... hope." He gave a bitter laugh. "Couldn't even rightly pray - the class of gods inclined to listen to vampires doesn't give a toss for love or family, yeah?"

Xander clamped down hard on a probably insane urge to move closer and maybe put his arm around the man- vampire! The evil, deadly_ (deeply loving) _vampire. "According to Giles, the Watcher's Council assumed she was dead- er you know, dusted, from the reports they got."

"Not surprising, from her injuries. Anyway, she got better for a while, but then she just... stopped getting any better. And the last few months she's been refusing to eat half the time and starting to get worse again. I figured the energy of the Hellmouth might perk her up, at least get her feeding again, and if not the Court here would have the resources to find a cure. Dru and me, we're sort of the black sheep of the Aurelius clan, but we're masters and direct line of the old Master, so they can't deny us a place in the Court if we want one."

Xander put aside what the caring lover before him really meant when he talked about 'feeding' for later cognitive dissonance. "Direct line? What does that mean?"

"Old batface sired that twat Darla as a Childe, she became a master and sired Angelus as a Childe, and on to Dru and to me. None who were sired as minions and lived long enough to build up the strength to turn a Childe, no Childer of destroyed lines that joined Aurelius but don't have the blood. Direct line. Better lineage than the Annoying One when it comes down to it."

"Huh, I never thought about vampire pedigrees. Is that really important?"

"To some, yeah. Me, I care more what a bloke can do now than where he came from. One of the many reasons I can't stand that boy-fledge they're all bowing to around here. But it comes in handy when dealing with some old style masters, and when you've been around a century, you learn to use any advantage you have whether you think the logic's for tossers or not."

He ate his chips and thought about it a bit. Looking at Spike, it occurred to him that aside from the occasional flash of gold in his eyes when he talked about the Anointed One, the vampire had remained human faced throughout the conversation.

"Is it hard to look like that?"

The blond looked at him in complete confusion for a moment before smirking. "Well, yes, the burden of being bloody gorgeous is a heavy one, but I soldier on through the lust filled glances and swooning as best-"

"Hardy har har, Captain Peroxide."_ (He is gorgeous too. Uh, objectively speaking.) _Xander threw a chip, not really surprised when vamp reflexes caught it easily, but more so when it was promptly eaten. "I mean not looking all 'grr'. Does it take an effort to look human?"

Now the look was more considering. "Why would you think that, pet?"

"Not a pet, and it's just, well..." He was thrown off for a moment when Spike darted suddenly into his personal space but relaxed when it was just to steal more chips. _(And when did we start relaxing around the evil undead? Who for some reason likes sour cream and onion...)_ "I just kinda assumed that it was, you know, like a mask. Something vamps consciously put on to blend in or fool people, but you don't have any reason to fool me, and I remember you dropped the fangs and bumps when Drusilla was upset the other night, and she **is** a vampire, so why wear a human face around her?"

"Take a breath, Stake-ateer." Spike nabbed a few more chips and thought a moment. "It's like smiling, innit? You can make an effort to keep a smile on your face when you aren't happy, or try hard not to smile when you're pleased. But most of the time either smiling or not smiling is just what your face does naturally, no effort either way, yeah?"

"So... Vamping out is just a facial expression?"

"Well, not 'just'. Changes perceptions a bit and the fangs o'course. But in terms of effort, yeah. It's hard to stay in the human face if I'm really hungry or angry or spoiling for a fight. But it's just as hard to keep the fangs out if I'm comfortable, and almost impossible if I'm trying to sooth Dru." Xander thought this over for a moment before the vamp surprised him with a question of his own. "Why ask me anyway, I'd think with Peaches trailing after the Slayer like a properly neutered pet poodle that you'd have indulged all your vampire curiosity?"

"Huh, more like panting after her like a horn-dog, but no, Deadboy isn't big on the sharing, especially about vamp stuff. It's all 'vampires are demons, with no thought but blood and pain, and I must work to atone for the evil I did, because now that I have a soul I'm perfect, and other vamps don't have souls so they suck, blah de blah...' Like no one with a soul ever did a bad thing, you know?"

"Yeah, 'Gelus proves that one wrong, sure enough..." There was such an undercurrent of bitterness to the vamp's tone that Xander found himself taking on his Willow tested, Buffy approved 'if you want to tell me I'm listening and if you don't I won't push' expression without even thinking about it. After a couple more chips, Spike continued. "He did a lot of nasty things to me when I was a fledge, you know. That's how it is in vampire families, I sure didn't like it or him at the time, but there's no real bitterness... don't know if a human can get that."

"Huh. I think I get it intellectually, and I was a hyena last year, so I kinda remember pack behavior enough to feel it a little bit too."

A burst of laughter broke the mood a little, but not in a bad way. "Just for future reference, Stake-ateer, if you move away from the Hellmouth, phrases like 'I was a hyena last year' will not be appropriate to drop into conversation." They grinned at each other cheerfully. _(Hey, sharing a moment with the serial killer, should probably freak about that later.)_ "But yeah, give half the pack rabies and that's probably a good way to think of the dynamics in our little group. The thing is, of all the shit he put me through proving he was the alpha or just enjoying that status, the only one I'll never forgive him for is abandoning us when he got that bleeding soul. He didn't fight us so I could earn our freedom, he didn't even send us on some wild goose chase for the Gem of Amara or something so he wouldn't have to face us for a few centuries but we'd still be **his**, you know? He just walked away like we didn't matter."

"I think I know what you mean. Getting h- in trouble for coming home past curfew because of some slaying thing sucked, but it was when I came in after daybreak ready to tell them the whole truth if I had to and neither of my folks had noticed I was gone..."

"That's what actually hurts, yeah?"

"Yeah." And more moments with soulless evil. He might have to get Willow's help to draw up a freaking out schedule. Were all vampires like this when they weren't feeding? "Um, Spike, is the way you, um..."

"Hold that thought, pet." The blond hopped off the tombstone and cocked his head for a second. "I think the Beloved Wife and Mother is about ready to snack on her hubby and kids."

"Wha- oh!" Xander stood as well and after shuffling the stake between his hands decided his wrist had rested enough for one right handed staking. By then the dirt had begun to move slightly and he was so intent on it that he jumped when Spike began gently adjusting his posture. "Hands!"

"Hush, you ninny, you'll know when I'm ravishing you." _(How will I- __**not **__thinking about that!)_ "Now don't just let your other arm hang about useless, you need it for balance and defense. Legs a little farther apart, lower your center of gravity just a tad. Better."

"Thanks, coach." He meant it to sound sarcastic, but he had to admit he felt more... ready with the corrections. When Mrs West finally broke to the surface, it was almost anticlimactic; two steps forward and a quick jab, back in position again before the dust fell. _(I could get pretty good at this.)_ Spike gave him a smile and a small nod of approval.

"You've got good instincts, haven't seen you miss the heart, yet. Next time we'll work on some actual sparring, or maybe how to fall nice." _(Fall nice? Wait, __**next**__ time?)_ "Got to go make sure Dru doesn't overdo it with this sodding ritual. Have a good night." Xander was able to track the black coat through the gravestones for a few seconds then it disappeared.

_(Huh, that was sudden.)_ He was gathering up his empty chip bag when he heard a call from the opposite direction that Spike had gone. "Xander? Xander, are you still here?"

"Over here, Willow!" He headed over to meet his friends, wondering what he would tell them about the evening. Wondering how good vampire hearing really was. Wondering if any of the information about rituals would be helpful to Giles in his research into the Feast of St Vigeous.

And wondering why he was looking forward, just a little, to that next time he would be seeing Spike.

**A/N : Ahhh, my conversational chapters are so long! I can't help it, I'm a dialog whore.**

**A/N2 : Sorry for the lateness, I'm a bad, bad Kahuna. I'll try to have another up this week to catch up.**


	5. I love, I love, I love

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

Xander was considering making flash cards. One would say 'I don't know.' Another could be 'he didn't hurt me in any way.'

"I just don't understand why you hung around and talked to him instead of running or trying to stake him."

"Gee, Buff, maybe because Spike could kill me without dropping his cigarette and there's no way I'd out run him?" _(That's another good one, but a little long for a flash card.) _"It looks like he's still following Dru's orders not to kill me and playing along seemed like the safest bet."

"Indeed, provoking Spike would have been a foolish move considering the circumstances." Giles brought a large and frankly smelly tome to the table and sat, not quite subtly, at Xander's side. "While notorious for enjoying fighting as much as the feeding itself, William the Bloody is no fledgling and if his Sire has placed certain humans as off limits, he is highly unlikely to disobey. The more important issue is what clues we may be able to glean from the encounter concerning the Court's plans for the Feast of St Vigeous."

_(Time for another flash card.)_ "Red robes. Chanting. Stinky incense. Darkness welling up in the world. Wanting Spike to be a vessel of some kind, possibly for the Saint, but he said no. That's all I've got."

The watcher nodded and leafed through the book. "Well, unfortunately, robes, chanting and incense don't narrow it down much, but there are two rituals intended to channel the power of St Vigeous into a specific vampiric vessel, rather than drawing on his power for a magical incantation, or seeking wisdom from him. Hmmm..."

The sound of the library doors opening caused the usual instinctive position adjusting to hide big scary books before everyone recognized the computer teacher. "Sorry to be late, Snyder was concerned that I was teaching students how to search the internet for porn."

"Like we need you to teach us that." Xander coughed. "Uh, I mean, like you would ever teach us that..."

"Er, yes, anyway, I'm here now and Rupert said you might have some additional information on the upcoming ritual?"

He rattled off what he knew one more time and abandoned the table to look for blank index cards.

"How did you find this out, you weren't spying on the Court, were you, Xander?"

Buffy responded while he was still testing Sharpies. "No, apparently that crazy new vamp in town got bored and found him for a chat."

"Oh my! Xander are you-" She broke off as he held up an index card.

**I WASN'T HURT  
>AT ALL<strong>

Ms Calendar coughed lightly and glanced around at an irritated Slayer, eye rolling watcher and giggling friend. "Why didn't h-"

**I DON'T KNOW**

"Um, right, apparently this ground has been covered... I'll just log onto the coven's site and see what I can find in rituals..." There were a few minutes of quiet typing and page turning before Buffy lost patience.

"Listen, I'm going to go meet Angel for patrol, hopefully I'll run into Xander's little stalker and dust him." She grabbed a couple of spare stakes and flounced out.

_(I don't care if she dusts Spike, I'm only worried that she might get hurt. I don't care if she dusts Spike, I'm only-)_ Giles' hand landed on his shoulder. "Xander, are you alright?"

"I'm only worried she might get hurt!" _(Right, let's use our inside the head voice, brain.) _"Um, I was a little nervous when she mentioned looking for Spike, he's really bad news..."

"Yes, well, there is a reason I've not been objecting to her taking Angel along on her patrols of late. Between the two of them I'm confident that Spike will not pose a threat."

"You guys should have more faith in Buffy!" Willow looked up from her research with a frown. "Just because this vamp got the jump on her when she was having some issues doesn't mean he's better than her. Buffy worked out her issues, she is now issue free and slay-ready!"

Xander exchanged one of those understanding looks with Giles that they had been doing a lot of lately. This one seemed to be saying 'we'll let this go in the interest of keeping morale up' rather than 'we'll talk about the reality of the situation when we get some privacy.' Nothing like the appearance of a powerful fighter who thought Slayers made good sport to bring polar opposites together in a bond of mutual pessimism.

"Yes Willow, I'm sure that Buffy would fare much better now that she has regained her focus, but Spike and Drusilla are between them a formidable challenge and I am just as happy to see Buffy with some backup if she faces them again." Giles marked some notes for the computer teacher to compare with her online resources and then glanced at the clock.

"Now, it seems that it is getting towards dinner time, so the two of you should be returning home, we will meet tomorrow morning to continue our research if that is acceptable to your parents? Do either of you need a ride?"

Xander looked at the fading light through the windows and grabbed his bag. "I'm closer"_ (and have longer legs) _"so I should be able to get in before dark, you should drive Willow though."

"Yeah, but can I take this book home, there's some interesting stuff on substitutions in vampiric rituals that might be applicable."

"Wills, I love you like the sister I never needed with you around, but you **ask** for homework. It's just not right."

The watcher smiled indulgently while shooing Xander away. "Yes, that's fine Willow. Jenny, you don't mind continuing while I run her home do you, and we can compare details on the rituals when I return?"

_(Oh is __**that**__ what they're calling it now, you sly dog, you?)_

* * *

><p>Xander was only a few blocks from the school when he ran into trouble. Obviously it wasn't the kind of trouble that fled the remaining sun, and unfortunately it also wasn't the kind of trouble that you could stick a sharp stake in without serious legal repercussions.<p>

"Hey Harris, shouldn't you be walking with the two other girls in your little sorority?"

"Larry, you're looking particularly cro-magnum today. And you've really mastered the whole 'insult a guy by calling him female' thing, I'm sure you'll get your asshole license this time no problem." He glanced at the angle of the sun - it was pretty much a given that he was getting some bruises and maybe a bloody nose, but hopefully they could get it out of the way quickly enough to not risk neck punctures as well.

"You think you're real smart, don't you Harris?"

"Actually, I think it's fair to say that's one claim I've never made. Of course if we're grading on a curve..." He let the back and forth of taunts and physical intimidation wash over him, wondering if it was worth getting hurt worse to provoke the punching part of the evening earlier. Then again, after Spike's rough lessons, he felt almost more capable of dealing with a bloodthirsty fledge than a whole gang of assholes.

"You'd think hanging with girls you'd at least get laid." He tuned back in to find one of the Lesser Larrys (Darren maybe?) bringing the subject around to Ye Olde Virginity. Ah, the classics. "Maybe you'd be getting more if that other loser was still around, what was his name, Jackie?"

Everyone stilled. Darren was relatively new to Sunnydale, he'd moved in the summer before Buffy had. But by the look on his face, he realized that he'd broken one of the unspoken rules of their little town. You didn't mention the dead or, worse, the missing. Everyone read the obituaries, so that no one had to give bad news. The unofficial mourning period was up to two days home 'sick' from school if you were best friends or going steady. And no matter how much of a jerk you were, you didn't talk about someone's missing friend because then everyone there might find themselves thinking of others who were missing.

Larry broke the tension by looking over Xander's shoulder and saying, "What the heck?" He looked - if it was an obvious trick, a sucker punch would change the mood nicely. Instead, it was a vampire._ (Spike to the rescue again. And shouldn't that sound weirder than it does?)_

Singing drifted over to the group, a pleasant tenor. "..._and Juliet on Halloween, November I'll give thanks you belong to me_," Larry forgot to be threatening as he took in the sight of a black clad punk skipping happily along the top of the chain link fences that lined local yards, hopping over the gaps caused by driveways with no apparent effort and singing a tune no one could mistake for punk rock. Xander wondered if the bully's tiny mind would break, and whether this would be a bad thing.

"_December you're the gift beneath my Christmas tree... Yeah yeah, my heart's awh_- Lo there, Stake-ateer, these chums of yours?" Spike stopped and observed the group, one boot balanced on a thin metal post, the other leg drawn up casually like a marsh bird. Xander had a mental image of Ralph Macchio and considered whether vampires watched movies.

"Uh, just some guys I know from school..." _(If I told him they were about to beat me up, would he he try to show me how to kill them like he did with the vamps?)_ He shuddered briefly at the thought, then went cold at the realization that these guys had no Crazy Tea Vamp seal of approval, and Spike might well kill them just for fun. "They were just going, right Larry?" He attempted to send psychic messages of 'Run!' and 'Don't say anything stupid'.

"You know this freak, Harris?" _(Psychic shields are up, Captain.) _Xander glanced fearfully at the vampire, but he appeared more amused than anything. "Wow, you really can pick 'em, huh?"

"More that me girl picked him, actually. But he's growing on me." _(I am? That's nice- wait no! That's bad! Or maybe it means he won't kill me when Dru gets bored? Or...)_ "So, you blokes up to anything fun tonight?"

Perhaps some of Spike's aura of danger had made it through Larry's defensive shields, or he had noticed that the pale man had been standing in an uncomfortable position for several minutes with no sign of effort, but he cut off one of his cronies who started to speak and shook his head. "Naw, like Harris said, we have to get going." He gave Xander an unsubtly threatening look and added, "We'll see you at school Monday anyway."

He watched them walk away, trying to think of a better conversation starter than 'so, still not going to kill me?' Spike summersaulted off the fence to land sitting at Xander's feet, grinning widely. "Lovely lads, those, do you want me to eat them for you?"

"What? No! Why...? You...?"_ (At least he asked first.) _"Okay, never mind, I'm just removing that question from my memory because I can't deal." The vampire nodded in a sober and accepting fashion, before going back to grinning like a loon. "Well, at least you're in a better mood tonight. What's got you so happy?"

"Dru's sodding stars finally remembered that I'm not a bleeding ponce and gave me someone to kill instead of people not to. Two gypsies, actually, which is even better news."

Xander felt his stomach do a dip and roll to the left at the casual bloodthirstiness. _(Oh I'm sorry, did someone forget we're dealing with a psychotic killer since he offered to eat Larry thirty seconds ago?)_ "What... what do you have against gypsies?"

"You mean besides cursing my grandsire in the worst way a vampire could imagine, causing him and that bitch Darla to abandon me and Dru to the world without even the formal recognition of the Master to aid us? Nothing much, I suppose..."

_(Well, okay, he sort of has a point.) _"Yeah, but that was a century ago. None of those gypsies would be alive anymore, and it's not like every gypsy in the world voted on Angelus being cursed. It's still prejudiced to hold a grudge against people of the same race as a small, long dead group that hurt your family." He felt Willow would have been proud of his logic.

Spike cocked his head a moment then shrugged in an agreeable sort of way. "All right then, mate, I'll grant you I'm prejudiced in making Romany of any stripe my favorite snack, but 'Gelus's curse was the vengeance of a clan, and such vendettas are carried down through the generations. And since from what my Dark Plum said these two are part of that same clan and dedicated to his continued punishment, I reserve the right to feel particularly satisfied with the night's work."

Xander shook his head, giving in. "You know, every time I think I've had the most surreal conversation of my life, I end up talking to you again..."

The vampire laughed happily. "That's me, pet, always raising the bar. Just think of it as practice for when Dru get around to inviting you for tea." _(Oh great something else to be terrified of.)_ "In any case, have to get going, you know how it is, places to be, gypsy witches to kill."

"No, um, wait!" _(Gotta at least slow him down till I can figure out where he's going, I didn't even know we had any gypsy families in Sunnydale.) _"Uh, I was just wondering if you'd seen any other vamps lurking around, since Larry and his goons- I mean friends, delayed me until the sun went down, as you noticed from the you walking around bit..."

"I've actually been out and about for a bit, Stake-ateer, not all of us are gormless fledges what think so much as seeing a sunbeam is fatal. Sewers, evening shadows, nice shaded neighborhoods, a master vampire can push the limits a bit."

"Oh. That makes sense I guess. Um, do I have to start carrying my stake on cloudy days?"

"Nah, clouds are actually worse 'cause it's hard to see the true shade when the sun isn't casting sharp shadows. When you get really thick thunderclouds or a snowstorm, that will do it, but weather can't be counted on to stay. And in any case, fledges tend to be too afraid to even go in a room with one open window, much less dodge sunbeams to get about outside."

"Hey, hands!" Spike had turned him around with a hand on the small of his back and smirked at his reaction.

"Jumpy little thing, aren't you? Didn't see any lurkers about, but since it's well and truly dark, I'll see you safely home, shall I?"_ (But I don't want him to know where I live... Oh yeah, the presents, he already knows.) _"Can't have some piker taking a bite out of my princess's kitten now."

"Your concern is terrifying yet mildly touching." The blond laughed again. _(Getting to kill people really does cheer him up.)_

* * *

><p>Spike was apparently planning on keeping his hand on Xander's back the whole way to his house. Frankly it made him feel like a girl, but he so wasn't going there with the snarky vamp and cast about for a conversation topic. "So, uh, hey I didn't get around to asking you last night, what did you mean about those vamps being crumbs? I asked Giles but he had no idea."<p>

"Giles? He the local tweed wearing nancy boy?" He didn't wait for a response. "Call them crumbs because they're the result of messy eating, yeah? You understand that to turn a human, normally we drain them completely then feed them our blood as they're dying or worst case trickle a little down their throat just after they're gone. Takes an effort, right, deliberate plan to turn 'em rather than just killing?" Xander nodded, that was how Giles had explained it.

"Well, thing is, the Hellmouth puts off a lot of energy that's, well, good for the demon that fuels vampires. Fledges turned on the Hellmouth tend to be a little more powerful though it evens out with age, and I was hoping that energy would be good for Dru's weakness. But the drawback is, it makes it really easy to turn a meal by accident. You get these minions and fresh from the grave fledges barely know what to do with their fangs, they cut their own lips or tongues as they're chewing on some bloke's neck, the vampire's blood ends up staying in the wound, and..." He raised his hands in a 'what can you do' sort of gesture.

"Huh, accidental siring, who would'a thunk? Kinda makes sense with almost every barbeque fork victim rising from the grave."

"You know, the Wanker's Council could do more good against vampires here by placing someone in the coroner's office than sending a little girl out past her bed time. Stick a wooden skewer in the heart of every body that comes through the morgue killed by blood loss, or add holy water to the embalming fluid."

"Oh man, that'd be great, the vamp starts to rise from its grave and just insta-dusts still in the coffin!" He grinned imagining the shortest un-lived vampires ever. "Actually, now that I think about it some horror stories have that sort of thing, but more dramatically - you know, cut off the corpse's head and bury them with garlic in their mouths or whatever."

"Idea didn't come out of nowhere, Dru was always a traditionalist, wanting new minions to claw their way out of their graves, but some areas we traveled were savvy enough it was smarter to keep the bodies with us till they rose." Xander caught a change in tone and without thinking set a hand on Spike's shoulder. The vampire glanced over with a rueful smirk. "Yeah, she made sure I got the full vampire experience as her Childe. And she had gotten distracted by something, didn't even greet me at my grave like Angelus had her. Long time ago though, pet, no worries."

_(I'm worried that a demon might have abandonment issues from his neglectful turning. I so need a vacation.)_ "Looks like I'm home. Uh... thanks?"

"No problem, mate, can I come in a moment?"

"Gee how 'bout no? Or wait, let me make that Hell No!" Spike only laughed and patted him on the back.

"There's a good Stake-ateer, keep the naughty monsters outside." He paused at the gate then said more seriously, "I'd stay somewhere that needs an invite all Saturday night. I think Vigeous was a bloody poof, but the Annoying One and his followers seem determined to make a big night of it. You keep yourself safe, Xander." And he left with his usual dramatic swirl.

_(Hey, did he use my name?)_ The thought was pushed away as he tried to decide if he had enough information to call Giles and what could be done about it if he did. But as he entered his house, relieved to find his parents out, he was distracted by memories of the lithe figure practically dancing along the fences and found himself singing under his breath as he headed upstairs.

"_Oh yeah, my heart's awhirl. I love, I love, I love my little-_ **OH CRAP!**" He sprinted the rest of the way into his room and dialed the library desk with shaking fingers. "Hello, hello? Oh thank God, it's you. Listen, if you happen to be a gypsy, grab some crosses and holy water and get somewhere defensible! I'll explain later, Ms Calendar, Spike's on his way!"

**A/N : Some time ago, the image came to me of Spike singing 'Calendar Girl' on his way to kill Jenny, and I knew I had to use it eventually.**


	6. The feast and the beast part 1

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

**A/N : After hurricane fun and several days without power fun to follow it up, I realized I was well behind on updating this fic. Then I realized that guilt about being behind was making it feel like work and slowing it down even more. So I'm posting this fairly short chapter as Part One of this particular 'episode.' Then the pressure will be gone and I can have fun writing again.**

**Warning : talky.**

Xander was at the library as early as sunlight allowed the next morning. And if he went a few blocks out of his way to avoid well treed neighborhoods, what of it? Even having heard from Buffy late last night that Giles and Ms Calendar had both been delivered safely home he was still eager to see them for himself.

Entering the empty library, he stopped and stared at the book cage for a moment. It had several dents in the walls, and was surrounded by crosses, shattered glass, broken crossbow bolts and badly used chairs. "Wow, I guess cleanup will be added to research for the day's activities."

"I would have done it last night," Angel said stepping from behind a shelf. _(Ack! Not so empty library!) _"But, you know, crosses."

"Dammit, Deadboy, make some noise! Breathe, hum, something!" Then his eyes managed to make it through to his brain with what he was seeing. "Holy Ruined Do's, Batman, what happened to your hair?"

The dark vampire scowled - only a slight difference from his normal face, but Xander was becoming attuned to the subtle changes. "Buffy and I were attacked by a large group of vampires last night on patrol, most of them were trying to keep us busy while three jumped me, yanked out clumps of my hair and fled in different directions." He ran a hand over his abused scalp. "We caught up with one, but she dusted herself before we could question her."

Xander tried not to snicker. He really did. "So a bunch of vamps ran up and pulled your hair then ran off again?"

"It's not funny!" Buffy said as she and Willow entered and both began fussing over the vamp. "Willow and I were just talking about it and it's possible they wanted his hair to target him for a spell!"

_(Why would anyone want to cast a spell on Deadboy's hair? Unless it was a gel removing spell...)_ He shook his head and went to get a dustpan. By the time the mess was largely cleared up, Giles and Ms Calendar had arrived. The teacher looked like she hadn't slept and had several small cuts on her face and hands.

"Xander!" She came over and kissed him lightly on the cheek and gave him a hug. "Thank you so much!"

Buffy and Willow gave identical confused head cocks. Buffy was the one willing to actually ask. "Um, for what?"

"He called and warned me last night. I didn't hear Spike at all until he was almost right in front of the cage, if I hadn't already armed myself and gotten in..."

"Oh, I didn't realize. But how did you..." Buffy's expression hardened. "Spike told you what he was doing?"

"Not exactly." _(Why be cranky at me, I don't control the Bleached Menace.) _"He was all singing and happy because Drusilla told him to kill someone, and he mentioned a gypsy witch. After I got home, I realized the song he was singing was Calendar Girl, and I knew Ms Calendar is big with the mojo... Actually he said that she wanted him to kill two gypsies, but he only mentioned one as he was leaving."

The teacher's face fell. "I think he must have already killed my Uncle Enyos. The police got in touch with me after I got home. I thought perhaps it was some terrible coincidence, since they thought it happened before sunset, and they were calling it a robbery gone wrong, but..." She turned away from the group for a moment .

_(Xander powers of conversational distraction, activate!)_ "Yeah, I ran into Spike just after dark, but he said that older vamps can get around some in the late evening, dodging the sunbeams and such."

"Actually that's mostly Spike." Xander figured he was seeing things, because for one moment, Angel actually looked affectionate, bordering on nostalgic. "Even as a fledge, he was... offended at the limitations on vampires and constantly questioning how strong they really were. He'd stay out late and race the dawn home, or declare that crosses only burned when you touched them and fight the demon's instinctive fear of being near them or looking directly at them. I swear he only smokes to have an excuse to play with matches and lighters; it terrifies the minions and makes him seem invulnerable."

Willow looked fascinated. "I guess that explains his interest in Slayers."

Xander was definitely seeing things because Angel cracked a sad smile. "I told him about the Slayer as a warning when he got too wild once and was stirring up monster hunters. He declared the entire idea 'bloody brilliant' and started tracking down rumors trying to find one."

"Right, so he's a suicidal freak as well as a homicidal one," Buffy interrupted coldly, "I'm more wondering why he's stalking Xander."

Willow nodded. "And why were you out after dark, you said you had time to get home!"

He put a comforting arm around his best friend's shoulders and led her over to sit down. "I did have time Willow, believe me, I'm **not** trying to run into Captain Peroxide. Unfortunately, I had a close encounter of the Larry kind and they slowed me down."

"Did they hurt you?" The question wasn't surprising _(mildly emasculating, but not surprising) _but the fact it came from Deadboy was.

"Um, no, Spike wandered by, I guess on his way to the school, before we passed the verbal intimidation part of the night's program. For a minute there I thought they were going to try to harass him and turn into vamp chow, but they left and he stayed to chat."

"Did he give any indication for why his sire would want him to kill Jenny specifically?" _(Oooh, first name without corrections, near death experiences are good for __**someone's **__love life at least...)_

"Actually, I was hoping to talk to Ms Calendar about that, you know, alone." He tried not to quail under the Watcher and Slayer looks of 'I deserve to know anything that's going on' and the best friend look of 'Don't you trust me?'

"It's okay, Xander." The computer teacher looked sad but accepting. "I knew this would all have to come out when I heard about my Uncle. He was after us because we are Gypsies, I assume?"

He nodded uncomfortably. "He said that they, well you, were part of the same clan that cursed Deadboy way back when, and that you would be dedicated to continuing the punishment... I guess he's bitter about the whole 'breaking up the Scourge' aspect of it, and he was in a really good mood about killing you."

It had occurred to him overnight, when he was thinking about the implications of Ms Calendar being part of Angel's curse, that flat out denial would be hard to fight. Spike wasn't what you would call a credible source to most of the group. _(And the fact that I'm separating myself on the issue says all sorts of weird things.) _But she just nodded. "He's right. My Uncle and I are of the Kalderash gypsies. Angelus killed the daughter of our headman almost a century ago and was cursed with a soul as punishment. Enyos and I were to keep track of his activities here and make sure that the curse was still active."

Buffy was the first to break the silence. "So, all the help you've been giving us, being... friends with Giles, this was, what, just some sort of deep-cover mission for you?"

"No!" She looked shocked and turned quickly to look at the librarian, obviously afraid he might be thinking the same thing. "The clan doesn't care what specifically Angelus is doing during his punishment, and simply being in Sunnydale allowed us to monitor the curse. My involvement with the rest of you emerged naturally from my teaching job and the events of the Hellmouth - if anything, being connected on a personal level with Angelus concerned my uncle as to my objectivity."

"Angel."

Everyone looked at Buffy in confusion. "Um, what Buff?"

"She keeps calling him Angelus, that's who he used to be. Angelus is, you know, gone now. He's Angel."

Xander shook his head. "We can't expect Ms Calendar to see it that way." The teacher looked at him in surprise.

"No, I don't, but I'm curious why you anticipate it."

_(Uh oh, goofiness dropping to dangerous levels... Make sure you say something really silly after we get this settled.)_ "Well, the whole soul thing is a curse. The purpose of a curse is to punish, to hurt someone, right? If it eliminated the person who was being cursed, what would be the point? Whether Deadboy with the soul added should be considered a different person, everything else he was has got to still be there inside, or you wouldn't care if the punishment continued."

Angel nodded. "I see what you mean. The curse didn't take away - my human memories and the demon that made Angelus are still inside me - but the addition of the soul allows me to control the demon. Much as your soul usually allows you to overcome the darker instincts that your hyena possession stirred up last year."

"Ooh, touche! Or perhaps, 'toupee!' considering the state of your hair..." _(Ha! Goofiness back on track. Wait, hair...)_

"Well, my point was that she shouldn't call him Angelus anymore, unless she's actually talking about the buried demon part of him."

"Caged." Xander walked over to the notes Giles had made on Feast rituals, his mind buzzing with realization. "Dru said it was a cage, that had her 'daddy' trapped inside, she meant the soul, or the curse, or both I guess..." He realized the others were staring at him, but he focused on chasing the thoughts to their conclusion.

"Well, an insane killer is definitely the best judge of-"

"G-Man, the rituals to Vigeous Up a specific vamp, does the target need to be there? Or be willing?"

He saw Ms Calendar mouthing 'Vigeous Up?' but Willow was getting that Best Friend Mindmeld look going and lunging for a book as the watcher responded. "Please don't call me that, and the ritual texts I've studied seem to use that as a default, but..."

"But the substitutions I was looking at include using a proxy of some sort, like the Master did when he sent that other vamp to do the Harvest for him!" The redhead was flipping pages and skimming, and the computer teacher began looking over her shoulder and joined in the excitement.

"Right, usually that requires a prior ritual, but if there's no physical access to the target, they can sometimes use an image, or personal property-"

"Or his hair?" Buffy looked at her boyfriend who was again trying to salvage his usual style at the reminder. "Is that why they attacked us that way?"

"It makes sense," Angel said, looking worried. "Drusilla as my child has a strong connection to me even after all these years, so just having her involved in the ritual would give the transference a good chance of working. With the hair, and the likelihood that she or Spike still has a picture of me from when we were all together..."

"But why?" The excitement Buffy had shown at figuring out the bad guys' plan collapsed into confusion. "Angel isn't on their side anymore, why would they want to give him more strength to fight them with?"

Giles went into lecture mode. "While a vampire's physical body is somewhat altered by the turning, their strength and speed comes largely from the demon possessing it. So while making a vampire a vessel for the power of St Vigeous is usually done with an eye to enhancing physical strength, it does so by making the demon more powerful."

Xander looked from face to face and took the final step that had them all nervous. "Powerful enough to overcome the influence of a soul?"

**A/N2 : Apologies to those who were looking forward to seeing the showdown in the library. This fic is exclusively from Xander's point of view, so sadly some good fights will only be known second hand.**


	7. The feast and the beast part 2

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

"You know, you've got a fairly specific type of penitent lifestyle going on."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, at first glance the apartment is really, you know, Spartan. Almost monkish. No TV, no radio, all dark colors, it seems like you're really working the 'I have done evil and am not allowed the comfort I have taken from others' groove..."

"Is there any hope that you'll stop talking soon?"

"You remember the 'no TV' bit from ten seconds ago, right?"

Angel thumped his head back against the wall he was leaning on. "It's just that I really thought my torture wouldn't begin until the competing rituals started at sunset."

"Hey, if you'd told me about the no TV thing, I could have brought something to read."

"You read?"

"Shuttup, I finally got the new Pratchett book. But no, it's make plans, divide duties, buy manacles, rush rush rush..."

"At least you aren't the one** in **the manacles."

"There is that. If I can't have TV at least I get to relax on the comfy bed. Which brings me back to the original topic."

"Which is?"

"You have a really comfy bed. In fact I'm pretty sure these sheets are silk." Xander ran a hand over the covers then rolled over to touch the wall. "And the walls are painted in dark colors, but it looks like a professional job, and the walls themselves are smooth and clean. No rugs, but the floors are good, well maintained hardwoods."

The vampire craned his neck to look over at him. "What exactly is your point, Harris?"

"You have a nice apartment. A really nice one. You keep it plain, like you're depriving yourself, but you're sleeping on silk sheets. And I'm pretty sure one of your outfits costs more than my whole wardrobe. It's just weird once you think about it, you obviously have and are spending money on yourself. Do people pay you to brood?"

"I had money in accounts when I was Angelus, and deeds to some property. I didn't touch it for almost century after I got the soul, it was tainted." He shifted around to the clinking of chains. "When I learned about Buffy, and was shown a way to start working towards redemption, I knew I couldn't approach her looking like some newly turned fledge in bloody clothes and I had to get my strength back up to be any use to her, so I had to, well, get a life."

"So the natural alternative to sleeping in an alley was silk sheets and a designer jacket? You weren't middle class before the turning, were you?"

There was an almost smile. _(Still hate him, but I'm beginning to see what Buffy sees in him.) _"I'm not sure they'd invented the middle class yet when I was alive, but no. My family was wealthy and I was spoiled. As a vampire, Darla and I could take what we wanted and both of our tastes ran to taking the best. When I decided to join the world again, I honestly never even thought of whether I was setting myself up in luxury, this is just what I thought of as clothes and a place to live."

"Huh." Xander flopped back down, stared at the ceiling for a bit and then re-re-rechecked the crossbow beside him. "Do you think mojo brigade will be able to stop the ritual from affecting you?"

"They should be able to decrease the overall effect. Stopping it entirely... probably not, hence the chains and you." He glanced at the ready weapon. "Which one are you hoping for?"

A giggle was strangled into something marginally manly sounding. "Dunno, Deadboy, free chance to dust you with no blame on me, pretty tempting..." He put down the crossbow while he was saying it, though, and grinned at the vampire. "But you did save Willow from the Annoying One, so staking you has lost a lot of its appeal these days."

"Annoying One?"

"That's what Spike calls that weird kid vamp who's in charge. He really hates him."

Angel snorted. "Spike hates all authority, I'm very much _not_ surprised that he embraced Punk when it came around. Of course after a hundred years, I'd have hoped he'd be strong enough to do more than make up childish nicknames."

"Spike's plenty strong!" _(And why exactly am I feeling defensive of him?) _"He just needs the court on his side to help him fix Drusilla, so he can't kick all their asses."

"See now, that's just what I'm talking about - a strong vampire doesn't waste resources trying to 'fix' dead weight." He sneered at the very idea. "There are other seers in the world if Willy really can't get by without one, and she was never** that **good a lay."

"Whoa, crude much?" Xander glared at the other man. _('Willy'? What's up with that?)_

"Sorry to offend, Harris. You did realize that they fuck, didn't you?"

"Gee no, Deadboy, here I figured he'd loved her over a century and was still trying to get to second base."

"Love?" Angel barked out a cold, ugly laugh. "Demons don't love. They take what they want and protect what they value, but when something loses value, a real demon leaves it and moves on." He leaned back against the wall, legs spread in a boneless sprawl, and grinned. "Sweet William never got that, two decades of trying to beat the humanity out of him and he still had that weakness. I shouldn't have thought that even a hundred years would be enough to turn him into a real vampire."

Xander very carefully checked the crossbow again and sat up straighter, trying not to look away from the other man's demonic yellow eyes for too long. "So, guess the ritual has started, huh?"

* * *

><p>It took less than fifteen minutes for him to be very glad that Buffy was patrolling instead of guarding Angel herself. Detailed comparisons of the bedroom talents of Darla, Drusilla and various prostitutes, bar wenches and victims probably wouldn't have helped their relationship along. At least he was sticking to the victims that had been willingly seduced and drained in the afterglow, a hunting technique that he described Spike as having been exceptionally helpful with. Unfortunately, he didn't restrain his reminiscing to the female victims of this strategy.<p>

After about half an hour, Xander was seriously considering shooting the vampire. Not in the heart, since he hadn't even tried to free himself from the chains, but somewhere painful, just on principle. It would have helped if Angel had at least admitted that something was going on.

"You're overreacting, Alex, can't a fellow enjoy some guy talk? I mean, fine, you've got this 'she's like a sister to me' thing going on with Willow, but surely we can discuss how completely fuckable Buffy is without you thinking I'm under a spell."

"You are completely and totally being affected by the ritual, and don't call me Alex. Also, shut up about Buffy, you're going to regret this when the spell wears off."

"I'll tell you what I'm regretting right now is being chained up here with you and not out on patrol with her sweet ass. Stake a few of those worthless fledges, get her all heated up from the fight and bend her over a tombstone..." _TWANG_ "Ow! Why did you do that, you little shit?"

Xander calmly reloaded the crossbow. "Shut. Up. Deadboy, or I'll shoot you somewhere a lot more painful." _(That was way more satisfying than it had any right to be.) _"And don't think I'll hesitate to dust you if you try to break those chains."

Angel sneered, but there was half an hour of merciful silence.

Then all hell broke loose.

* * *

><p>He dusted one vamp with the crossbow as the group slammed through the door, and managed to stake another before he was held down by cold hands.<p>

"Don't kill him," came a voice from the back of the pack. A severely dressed vampire walked forward and knelt in front of Angel. "Master Angelus."

The chained vampire gave a wide smile. "Hey, old Abby's still kicking around! It is Abby, isn't it?"

"Absalom, sir. I serve the Anointed One, heir to The Master."

"Demon's don't have heirs, Abby, they follow the best leader. What makes a barely risen child worth following?"_ (Funny, I would have tried to get unchained before I insulted his boss, but far be it from me to interfere with Deadboy making more enemies.)_

The vampire responded without seeming to notice the attacks. "He has brought you to your current strength and sent us to free you so that you may enjoy the Feast Night with us." One of the minions had found the key and started unlocking the manacles. "After tonight, perhaps you shall meet with the Anointed One and decide if you wish to... ally with him as your childer have."

"After tonight, the ritual will have worn off, and Deadboy will be in perma-brood over anything he does!" _(Maybe you should have stayed quiet, Xan-man. Yeah, like that ever happens...)_ "He's not going to say 'that was fun, let's be evil again' so what's your real angle?"

Absalom waved the vamps holding Xander over and put the recently vacated manacles around his wrists. "You are a stupid human child and know nothing of the power of St Vigeous and what has been done on this night. I should cut a hole in your belly and tie a weight to your intestines then leave you here to watch your guts pulled out an inch at a time."_ (Okay, ew?)_

"That's a good one, I like that." Angel looked disturbingly cheerful at the torture idea. _(Actually Deadboy being cheerful at all is pretty disturbing.) _"Thing is, though, Harris here** is **pretty stupid, but the Watcher is a smart guy and he and his witch both think this is a one night deal too." He looked at the crowd of vamps with an exaggeratedly thoughtful expression. "So, much as I'm glad you freed me so I can enjoy how good I'm feeling tonight, I've gotta spend the buzz on things I won't regret in the morning... Hey, like this!" He punched the head minion in the face and then grabbed the spare stake from Xander's belt to dust the vamp beside him.

The room erupted into pandemonium for the second time, but with vampires trying to get out as quickly as possible rather than in. Angel gleefully dusted a couple more on their way out then leaned against the wall laughing. "I used to think this Vigeous stuff was a crock, but I have to tell you, it feels good! Not like a long sweet torture does, but like that time in St Petersburg when Spike and I had this whole mob of minions from another clan that Darla wanted taken out for some political reason." He picked up the discarded crossbow from the bed, and Xander noticed that the earlier wound was gone. "Wonder if this is how Willy feels all the time, it would explain a lot about his impatience and why he never could make an artistic kill unless he had something personal against the target..." The weapon loaded, he aimed it casually at the teen chained to the wall. "Now, where should I shoot you first?"

"Whoa, slow down, De- um, Angel, remember the whole 'not doing anything you'll regret tomorrow' part of the plan?"

The 'thoughtful' face from earlier came back._ (Deadboy is a lot more expressive when he's evil.) _"Well, I suppose actually killing you would be something I'd regret... I mean, the girls would cry a lot and that gets pretty annoying. And I doubt Buffy would accept comfort sex if she knew I was the one who did it. On the other hand..."

Pain bloomed across the left side of Xander's face and Angel was in full game face inches from him. "Considering how much crap you give me and that dance with my girl at the Bronze, I don't think I'm gonna regret beating the shit out of you at all."

"Yeah well, most people don't." _(Holy cow, do I __**ever**__ shut up?) _"But for the record, the dance thing was all on Buffy." _(Guess not.)_

"Doesn't matter who started it." The vampire held his face not so gently by the chin while he gathered blood from a split lip onto his fingertip. "She's mine, you touched her, you pay."

"Bit of a chicken 'n egg problem there, innit?" _(Oh thank all the gods, it's Spike - and there's something really wrong with thinking that.) _"What with the Stake-ateer there being mine and Dru's and **you** touching **him**?"

**A/N : I see this chapter as Angelus Lite. He is still souled, but the demon has been pumped up enough to be dominant over it. He knows the difference between right and wrong, but cares a lot less. And he's a jerk, but that's a given.**


	8. Possessive

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

Angelus turned to the doorway with a lazy grin. "Well, you know how it is, what's yours is mine and... actually that's about it, isn't it?" He lifted the finger he'd gathered Xander's blood on up to his lips, only to receive a fist to the face before he could taste it.

"Forget that, Peaches. You gave up the chance to pull that Sire's Rights bollocks when you abandoned us."

The larger vampire roared in anger and swung back but missed as Spike ducked and rolled, coming up beside the bed to grab the ax Xander had been keeping beside the crossbow.

"I will always be your sire, you insolent cub!"_ (Insolent cub? Who talks like that?) _It was Angel's turn to dive out of the way of the blond's swing, but then Xander was flinching away from shattered metal as the ax broke one of his chains instead.

"Being a sire is about responsibility, you wanker, not power." Spike lashed out with a kick when Angel got too close then broke the other chain when he had moved back. "You think you're still Sire, why didn't you go see what you could do to help Dru instead of trying to beat up her kitten?" Without taking his eyes off the larger vampire, he said quietly, "The other Stake-ateers should be here soon, pet, so you're safe to go meet them. I'm gonna have a private talk with me 'Sire' here."

Xander headed for the door, trying to keep Spike between Angel and himself. _(I'm counting on the Slayer killing vamp without a soul to protect me from the Slayer helping vamp with a soul. This is so messed up.)_ Luckily Angel seemed fully focused on the younger vampire. "You've got a lot of nerve threatening me, Willie my boy. Not only I am still being filled with the power of St Vigeous, you seem to be forgetting that I taught you everything you know about fighting."

Spike laughed at he threw himself forward, kicks and ax flying. "Vigeous was a poof and got himself dusted, Peaches." He danced just out of the larger vampire's reach and Xander was torn between making good his escape and seeing how it ended. "And for the record, you taught me everything** you **knew about fighting." He darted in holding the ax up near the blade, stabbing upwards with it like a dagger. Angel stopped it by the blunt end and grabbed Spike by the throat, but before he could say anything, the blond pivoted the greater length of the handle to slam it between his sire's legs. "Then I spent a century practicing my own moves."

_(Wow, good thing vamps can't have kids anyway.)_ Spike had tossed the ax to the side and began simply punching Angel as Xander headed out the door, and he could hear a rant on the general theme of Deadboy being a lousy sire in addition to a 'poof' as he ran up the stairs and out of the building.

* * *

><p><em>(Ah library, how I have missed you...) <em>While it held no comfy bed with silk sheets, the library had the distinct advantage of containing a Willow. Also a Giles, a Buffy and a very tired looking Ms Calendar, who had apparently finished the counter ritual early in the morning only to spend the following day making arrangements for her Uncle's funeral rather than napping before the meeting like Xander had.

There was also a Deadboy, even broodier than usual and with a light dusting of bruises that looked days rather than 12 hours old. _(Stupid vampire healing. I'm still gonna have a fat lip at school tomorrow for everyone to gawk at.)_ Xander had allowed Buffy and Giles to fuss over him a bit when he had met them outside the apartment complex and might have told the story in order before mentioning that Angel and Spike were still fighting. He would strenuously deny any accusations of stalling to let the younger vampire get a a little more cathartic beating out of his system. Come to think of it, he **had** strenuously denied that already, but Giles still seemed skeptical.

_(At least he assumed it was all about my hate for Deadboy and not a present to Spike. Which it wasn't. A present. Or a favor. Or anything that implies friendship with the evil undead.)_

"Well, all things considered, I believe we can count the Feast night as a success for our side." Giles seemed almost un-British-ly pleased with everyone's reports. "The plan to push Angel into actions that would cause a breach with the Slayer failed, and we were able to prevent any excessive carnage from the rest of the Court. I must say that the counter ritual that Jenny and Willow performed seems to have worked to reduce the effects of the night and Buffy performed well in the field."

"Harris did well, too." Xander was surprised to hear those words from the vampire's mouth. _(Maybe a thanks for not repeating his little sexcapades recap in my report.) _"You were alert enough that I didn't try to break out even though I would have liked to, and what you said about me regretting everything after the magic faded did help. I won't deny that the demon was tempted by Absalom's offer, and some suspicion about their motives was just what I needed to turn it down."

"You did the right thing," Buffy said loyally. "I'm really proud of you. Well, not the hitting Xander part, but I'm sure you regret that."

"Um, yeah, of course." Xander almost laughed at how Deadboy wouldn't meet his eyes. "And Spike was there to help him out."

All urge to laugh fled as the mood in the library changed. Willow spoke first. "Well, surely he wasn't there because of Xander, it was your apartment..."

"I think he was." Angel looked concerned. Or maybe constipated. His expressiveness had faded with the evil. "He referred to Xander as belonging to Dru and to him. Aside from his feelings about me, he was also acting extremely possessive. I'm afraid that the two of them are placing a claim on Xander."

"A claim?" And there's a note he hadn't hit since hair started growing new places.

Giles looked inappropriately fascinated. "There is a great deal of scholarly debate on the nature of claims, or whether they even truly exist, but it is generally believed that some master vampires will come to see a particular human as their property and warn lesser demons away from them."

The vampire nodded. "The reason for the debate is probably that there is no single instinctive method to a claim, unlike Siring. Different lines and masters will enforce their claims in different ways, and humans are claimed for different reasons, though an intent to eventually turn them is the most common." Willow and Buffy gasped and Giles cleaned his glasses. Xander searched for surprise but couldn't find it. Dru said he wasn't 'ripe', apparently she didn't want an eternally teenaged minion.

Giles put his glasses back on and faced the vampire grimly. "Is Xander in immediate danger?"

"Not_ Xander_, no..." He began to look nervous.

"Do you mean other people might be in more danger because I'm in less?" (What's Deadboy getting at now?)

"Er, sort of."

He started getting annoyed. "What sort? If Willow or the others are going to be threatened, we need to know. What's the what?"

Angel paced, looking uncomfortably between Xander and the girls. "Maybe we should talk about this in private." Willow got her 'offended best friend' look while Buffy engaged a similar but more aggressive 'Slayer on a mission' expression. "Okay, maybe not..."

"Look, you were an unsouled demon for a couple of hundred years, right?" Xander ignored Buffy's hurt look at the reminder. "So just tell us how you would act towards a human you were possessive of and those around him."

"It's not that simple," the vampire insisted.

"Of course it isn't!" Slayer mode had been abandoned entirely for loyal girlfriend mode. "You were a different person then, dredging that sort of thing up as your own actions is unnecessarily painful."

Giles said quietly, "Apparently the gypsies thought it was very necessarily painful, but that's hardly the point."_ (ZING! Go G-Man!)_

After a brief kicked puppy look, Angel went on. "Really, the main problem is that Spike and I were very different even before I had my soul. I've only seen him occasionally over the last century, but he hasn't changed that much. Spike is very... protective."

_(Well I've seen enough of that with Drusilla.) _"Okay, that makes sense with him coming to get me from you and showing me some fighting moves, but why are you sounding like it's a bad thing?"

"Because protective from a demon comes with the assumption that no humans other than the one he's protective of deserve to live and absolutely no sense of perspective."

"I don't..."

"Xander, do your parents hit you?" Buffy gasped in shock while Willow looked down in embarrassment on her friend's behalf at having the topic broached so bluntly. "You joke about your home life, and I know you get tenser the closer we come to your house when Buffy and I have walked you home, but I don't know the extent of-"

"I'm giving you a couple of sensitivity points for trying to make this a private conversation, but if the school counselor gets eaten, don't bother applying for the job, okay?" _(Defensive humor engaged! But fine, might as well get this over with now or I'll be doing it privately with everyone.)_ "...It's not a constant thing. Pressures build up every couple of months or so and with proper luck and skill it just blows up in yelling and broken glassware... less luck or me getting mad enough to be stupid, it ends with some bruises."

"My mom tried to talk his mom into leaving once, but she just got really defensive and angry." Willow had the sad face of guilt, and Xander couldn't help but reach over and hug her.

"Anyway, the short answer is 'sometimes, but not criminally.' And I know you're a required reporter or whatever it's called, Giles, but just skip it, Social Services did an investigation when I had an observant gym teacher in middle school - things were pretty bad that year - and nothing really came of it." He looked down for a moment trying to think how to move past the awkwardness, and then the context of the question belatedly hit him "Wait! You don't think Spike would... if my dad...?"

"No sense of perspective, no respect for human life," Angel repeated soberly. "Spike probably checks on on your house regularly; if your father gets violent towards you, at **any** level... He'll act to protect what he sees as his."

"But- but what can I do to protect my folks?" He giggled a little hysterically. "I can't exactly say 'hey Dad, you need to take an anger management course so an overprotective vampire doesn't murder you next time you knock me into a wall' now can I? And what about Larry and his crowd, or Jack O'Toole? Being an asshole isn't supposed to carry a death sentence!"_ (And I am not getting a tiny warm fuzzy that someone would care enough to defend me! I am not evil. Or a girl. I am not an evil girl who wants a rabid guard dog!)_

"Not to a human, no." Angel rubbed his temples with a sigh. "Spike and I once spent hours playing with a group of guys who had mistaken Darla for a whore - and Spike never even liked Darla! He said worse than those men had on a regular basis, but they were threatening part of his family and that was that."

Willow thought a moment. "What if Darla had wanted to beat them up herself? I mean, would you two have killed them if she just wanted to kick their asses and leave it at that?"

The vampire just looked confused at the question, but Buffy nodded. "That's smart, Willow, especially since he seems to want Xander to be able to protect himself. If he can say he's already dealt with it and doesn't need Spike to step in..."

"So Willow, she who talked me out of taking karate when I was 12 and quotes Gandhi whenever I show any signs of wanting to just fight it out with Larry, and Buffy, the girl who told Giles he shouldn't train me in vampire hunting because she doesn't want me to get overconfident and jump into fights, are suggesting that hitting people back is the way to save their lives..." He looked around the room. "Did I get transported to an alternate universe and not notice?"

Willow blushed. "Well, in situations where a crazy master vampire **isn't** stalking you and potentially murdering anyone who hurts you, I still support the principles of passive resistance to bullies..."

"It would probably help." Angel broke in. "I don't know how well it would work what with those guys running in packs, but you'd be more likely to talk Spike out of going after someone who won a fight against you than a guy who beat you up."

"And as for the situation with your father..." Giles had taken his glasses off but was holding them tightly instead of polishing them. "Regardless of whether Buffy has dealt with Spike by then or not, the next time things are 'building up', I expect to be informed and we will find a way to get you out of the house for a few days."

Somehow the crisp, practical statement made Xander's throat tighten up in a way that Buffy's shocked sympathy and Willow's guilt hadn't. He nodded and managed to choke out a quick, "Sure, G-man," without embarrassing himself.

"And speaking of dealing with Spike," Buffy said cheerfully, "let's talk patrols and maybe try to figure out where he's holed up." The group settled into a normal routine.

* * *

><p>Xander lay in bed, physically tired but unable to sleep. After working out the logistics of patrol and a search pattern to look for the Court's main lair, Giles had started his first training session. It felt good to be actively working to improve his combat abilities, but a small disloyal voice in the back of his head kept pointing out that Spike was a bit better of a coach. He wondered if there would ever be that 'next time' of the vampire teaching him how to fight, and deeply buried the consideration of whether he wanted the answer to be yes or no.<p>

That there would be a next time of seeing Spike seemed certain, and in the strategy session, Buffy had briefly floated the idea of letting Xander do some apparently solo patrols to draw the vampire out so she could stake him. Willow had loudly objected to the use of her Xander shaped friend as bait, while Angel pointed out that vampire hearing and night vision was superior to even a Slayer's and Spike would be unlikely to be tricked.

_(And you were just happy not to have to say if you wanted to do it or not, huh Xan-man?) _Ha! Silly brain, he wasn't afraid of being used as bait, and it's not like Spike would hurt him in any case. _(And that's the problem, isn't it? Spike has never hurt you, in fact, the best way to draw him out would be to get into trouble so he'd try to save you. Could you use that to get him dusted?)_

Xander jumped up and put on some music, in the hopes of getting his very stupid brain to shut up. Spike killed people, probably every single night, he would have killed Buffy and bragged about it for free drinks. So what if he was interested in keeping Xander alive as some sort of present for his girlfriend, so he could be drained and have a demon wear his body? Not exactly a long term plan that inspired loyalty.

But still... Xander hadn't talked to anyone so comfortably since Jessie had died and honestly even they had been a little awkward the last year with Jesse's crazy crush on Cordelia dominating his brain. Spike was fun to talk to. _(A fun serial killer.) _He banged his head lightly against the wall.

A brief attempt to distract himself with school work was interrupted by his mom's voice on the stairs. "Alexander! One of your teachers is here to talk to you! Come downstairs!" He got up quickly, wondering if there was another crisis so soon that Ms Calendar needed to see him.

"They can talk upstairs!" He heard his father's 'more than three but less than six beers' voice interject. "Trying to watch the game, here! Send him up to Alex's room!"

_(Him?) _Well, mom would probably lump Giles in with teachers, he supposed. He heard light steps on the stairs as he franticly shoved dirty clothes under the bed and pulled the top sheet over the pillows before going to open the door. "Hey there- _**SPIKE**_?"

The vampire wasn't wearing his usual coat and his red overshirt was actually buttoned, but still... "My mom thought **you** were a teacher?"

Spike laughed as he pushed him gently out of the way to enter the room. "What can I say, pet, Americans. Make such a big deal of having fought for independence, but the whole lot of you roll over and practically bow for a hint of the Beeb."

_(Someday I will understand an entire sentence from him.)_ "Beeb?"

"The BBC," and suddenly the voice was like Giles in full snooty glory. "One has merely to employ proper Queen's English to be transformed into a paragon of respectability." He smirked at Xander's gape and added in his usual tone, "Pulls the birds like crazy too."

_(Yeah, I'll bet.)_ "Um, why are you here, Spike, is there, uh a problem?"

"Oh you could say that there's a problem. A few problems, really. The Annoying One has a problem with Dru because the ritual wasn't strong enough to send Peaches into a killing spree and drive him from Sunnyhell wallowing in guilt. Dru has a problem with me because I punched her sodding Daddy, and I have a problem with you because you didn't follow the simple instructions I gave you and put yourself in danger. So, yeah, problems."

Xander swallowed hard. "Um and I take it there's a solution and may I just say that I'm hoping for one that does not involve my grisly death?"

"Matter o' fact, there is. I have to run some errands for that wanker boy king, so you're going to help me make things up to Dru and keep an eye on her while I'm out so she doesn't get herself into any trouble."

He looked blankly at the vampire for a moment then a feeling of foreboding welled up inside. "Wait, you don't want me to..." Spike quirked an eyebrow at him and his shoulders slumped in acceptance of his fate. "I'm going to a tea party, aren't I?"

"Damn right you are, and you better still have that vest my princess picked out for you, too."

**A/N : Real life, bleh. Insert generic promises to do better here.**

**A/N2 : I'm going a middling route on the classic fanfic question, "Just how lousy of parents does Xander have?" No life threatening angst but abusive.**


	9. The tea party

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

Xander would love to say that he had to sneak out the window, or at least think fast to explain why he was leaving the house at eight in the evening with a strange man who had yet to prove his identity. But such shenanigans were the role of Scoobies whose parents noticed they existed on a regular basis. Instead, after an awkward interlude during which Spike ransacked his closet and insulted his boxer shorts, Xander found himself walking out of the house in his nice funeral pants and shirt, an intricately but not garishly embroidered vest, and a top hat tucked under his arm. His mom made sure he had his key so he wouldn't disturb them coming back in.

"Lovely folks you have," Spike commented casually as he led him to a black Desoto on the other side of the street. _(Please don't ask me if you can eat them, please don't ask me if you can eat them...) _"Planning on keeping them long?"

If it hadn't been for the conversation earlier in the day with Deadboy, Xander would have made a bitter joke with an undercurrent of truth. Instead he was prepared with any number of platitudes. "Of course I am. They may not be the best parents in the world, but they're mine."

The vampire simply shrugged as he opened the car door for the teen and closed it securely before walking back around to the driver's side. The duster lay between the seats and Xander took the opportunity to give in to temptation and stroke the soft leather. "Don't have to be." Spike started the car and took off with a drag-racing worthy lurch. "You're old enough to be emancipated, you know if the house is paid off?"

"Spike!" He got a confused look in response. "You can't kill my parents! I love them."_ (I'm supposed to love them.)_

"Why?"

_(Good question.) _"Because they're my parents."

Spike snorted as he steered the old car around a corner. Xander supposed that he should be paying attention to where they were going, but the black paint covering the windows made that impractical. "The obligation of love, is it? Have to say that losing that is one of the perks of being turned."

"Somehow I don't think there's enough perks to make up for being dead." He plunged on without giving the vampire a chance to respond. "Anyway, you love Drusilla."

"Of course I do!" He looked surprised by the comment. "Love her more than anything in the world! But I don't love her because she turned me. Don't love her just because I'm **supposed** to without being able to point to a single thing about her that I love."

Xander looked away from the raw passion on Spike's face. _(No one who's technically dead should look that alive.)_ "So vampires don't love just because they're supposed to?"

"Vampires don't do anything just because we're supposed to, pet. Especially master vampires. I love and I'm not ashamed of it, but the idea that I had to love my Da because boys who don't love their parents don't go to heaven... That fell away with my life and I'm glad to be rid of it."

Xander thought for a long moment. "You ever see Pretty Woman?" He blushed under the look. "So my best friend is a girl, so sue me... Richard Gere's character says it took him all these thousands of dollars in therapy to say 'I was very angry with my father'. I dunno, pay for the therapy or get vamped for free..."

Spike gave an honest, happy laugh that gave Xander the same 'I did a good deed for the day' feeling that Buffy's real smile did. "Well, pet, you have plenty of time to decide on either option, I suppose. Meantime if you want to keep them around, I won't argue too much. Though if they're always that free and easy with the invitations, might not be either of our decision."

"Yeah, the eternal quandary of the hellmouth... Don't educate and risk feeling it's your fault if they die or educate and risk a long stay in a nice padded room." Spike laughed again, even though he had been totally serious.

* * *

><p>Xander couldn't make out anything but that there were a lot less streetlights when they pulled up a steep ramp and, from the sound, into a garage of some sort. He thought he could see movement around the car and peered nervously through a streaked area of the window. Spike and Drusilla were one thing, but if they were in the main court area...<p>

"Right, almost forgot." He turned to respond or ask a question and found his head seized and a cold tongue licking up the side of his face from his collar to his hairline. Before the yelling and flailing had a chance to kick in, the process was repeated on the other side and Spike grabbed his hands just as the instinctive desperate cleansing motions had begun. "Don't wipe it off or I'll just have to do it again."

"What? Ew! Why? Ack!" His face felt wet and gross, that had been a full power moose lick, definitely not what he had imagined from Spike's tongue. _(Not that I've spent a lot of time imagining Spike's tongue! Or any time!) _"What was that for?"

"More of the useless wankers around than I expected tonight," the vampire responded with a shrug. "Scents speak louder than words with demons, figured I'd best mark you as mine."

"By **licking **me?"

"You'd rather I bit you? Cause we don't really have time for a proper shag."

_(Oh look, more gibbering.)_ "What? No, no biting, no- Shag? You don't mean carpeting. How? You love Drusilla! What?" _(Well, I'm sure that established the boundaries of this relationship very well. And did I just refer to me and Spike as having a relationship?)_

"Xander! Focus." Xander focused. Spike had very blue eyes. They were good for focusing on. "Don't worry about biting or shagging, okay? Now, I'm going to give you some ground rules because I won't be here to protect you. Don't look directly at any of the minions. Don't look down or act scared either, just ignore them, no eye contact, yeah? If the Annoying One or one of his cronies try to talk to you, just say 'Master Spike told me to attend to Lady Drusilla' and focus all your attention on her. Agree with everything Dru says, unless she wants to play a chasing or hiding game, then suggest telling a story instead, you don't want to provoke hunt instincts."

"And whatever you do, no matter how much they beg, **never**-"

"Vampires do half their eating after midnight, you berk." But he was smirking and let go of Xander's hands to straighten his collar. "Last thing. Dru's been fairly consistent on you, but sometimes when she takes one of her turns... If she starts talking or acting like she might hurt you, don't try to reason with her, and definitely don't try to fight her. Just tell her that she promised to wait for me. That should give her pause and she'll probably be back to normal - you know, for her - well before she gets impatient for me to get back."

Xander nodded, trying to keep everything straight in his mind. "Alright, I think... I can handle this. Just... Spike?"

"Yeah?" He paused opening his door.

"You were kidding about the shagging, right?"

The vampire laughed as he walked around the car and opened the passenger's side. "Another benefit of turning is getting rid of those repression issues, you know."

_(That __**SO **__doesn't help...)_

* * *

><p>Xander didn't really consider repression an 'issue'. He preferred to think of it as a skill. A well honed survival skill. For instance, when you were sitting on a giant bed doing pretend sips from a delicate china teacup, repression was what allowed you to pretend that the thick red liquid in it was spoiled tomato juice and that's why you weren't really drinking.<p>

"Kitten, do you need more tea? Miss Edith has already finished her cup."

"I'm fine, Drusilla, thank you, but you should drink more." He thought she looked better than when he last saw her, more solid somehow though she was still willowy and moved like she was floating. Spike had obviously still been worried about her, though.

She smiled and poured herself and the dolls more tea. He hadn't caught her drinking from the dolls' cups yet, but there was always room for more when she refilled. After a scrupulously polite drink that would have had Willow in her tea party phase swooning, she suddenly clapped her hands and leapt from the bed. "I forgot the biscuits! Miss Edith was meant to remind me, but a fairy took her voice as she slept. Nasty creatures, terrible thieves, you mustn't believe the tales, for they wrote them all themselves to bring the children nearer."

Xander nodded sagely. "Fairies know the value of a good press agent."

"Miss Edith will still be punished, of course. She could have written me a note had she not neglected her penmanship."

More sage nodding seemed in order. _(I will not ask how dolls are disciplined. Apparently not by sitting out the tea party.)_ Drusilla went to the door and called a minion while Xander took advantage of the distraction to pour most of his 'tea' into the other cups.

"He will fetch them, though we haven't proper tea biscuits, of course. But we shan't complain, shall we?"

"Oh no, no complaints here, I'm sure whatever he finds will be fine." He took another pretend sip and basked in her childlike approval. "You look like you're feeling a little better today, is it just the Hellmouth?"

The vampire lost her smile and looked a little lost. "When I sent the Saint to Daddy it filled me as well and dear William took me hunting when he came back. He had been very naughty, you know. I thought he would be happy to see Daddy back, but they always fought, even before the nasty spark came."

So that's why she looked better, she was all fed up. 'Hunting'. Xander looked at the blood in his cup and started honing the repression skill again. _(There's nothing I can do about it. I'm good enough to stake 'crumbs' but any minion here could put me down. It's not a matter of letting innocents die so I can live, they would die whether I got myself killed or not. At least Spike hasn't killed in front of me. I don't think I could handle that.)_

"So Spike and Dead- um, Angel...us never got along?"

"Sometimes they liked to hunt together - Daddy said Spike had more patience than me. And when Grand Papa would send word of cousins being naughty, they would leave Grandma and I and take care of it themselves. William was always a wonderful fighter, did you know he found his first naughty girl when he was only twenty?"

"Naughty girl? You mean the slayer in China?" _(Huh, Giles' books have him almost a century old then, he must be younger than the Watcher's Council thinks.)_

"Yes, it was a beautiful night, all the mice were fighting over who would bell the cat, and we took what we wanted in the middle of the streets. Spike wanted the naughty girl, and Grandma said she wouldn't cry if he were killed instead, but he found us again as a dark conquering prince and let me taste slayer's blood from his lips." She had a lazy, sated smile as she remembered, and Xander shied back from imagining where such kisses might have led.

"So he fought her alone?"

"Oh yes, Daddy had offered earlier to find a naughty girl and help him play, but he said he wanted to beat one, not just to kill her. He tested himself against her and even Grandma admitted he was not found wanting."

A light tap at the door interrupted them and Xander disposed of more 'tea' before Drusilla came back to the bed clutching several boxes of Girl Scout cookies. _(I will not wonder what happened to the Girl Scouts. Repress, repress, repress.)_

"But Daddy didn't like the testing and trying, he liked the art of pain; making sculptures of blood and paintings out of screams."

_(Note to self : try to never meet the non souled version of Angel.) _"Is that what they would fight about?"

"Sometimes. And sometimes over me." She smiled proudly as she spread out the cookies on a plate and offered him some. "When I saw William I knew that he could be my dark prince and would love me with all he had, but he thought if he was my prince then I must be his princess."

"Well, yeah. Aren't you?"

"My Spike takes such good care of me, but he had to learn that every girl loves her daddy best. He wanted to be all of my heart as I was all of his, and it made him so angry when Daddy was in my heart as well."

Xander nodded slowly. "I guess I can understand that." _(I do not feel sorry for a century old killer because his girlfriend still doesn't put him first. I don't!)_

"Don't fret about dear Spike, Kitten. Daddy is coming back and we will be a family again, but!" She leaned forward and spoke in a conspiratorial whisper. "If he has learned by then to share his own heart, he will not taste so bitter when I kiss him after Daddy, do you see?"

_(Drusilla's going to get Spike a backup girlfriend? How is he supposed to have any time for me, then?)_ Shut **up**, brain! Focus on the important bits! "How... How is, um, 'Daddy' coming back?"

"Ah ah!" His nose smarted from a sharp rap, and the vampire looked less 'playful child' and more 'strict schoolmarm'. "The question is written down and sealed tight and none may look till we get the answer or the show is ruined!" _(Wasn't that an old Carson routine?) _"Curious kittens find the cream, but sometimes they find the traps as well and catch their toes and whiskers! Don't go looking for your presents early or Father Christmas shan't come!"

Her eyes had gone golden and Xander started back peddling. "Of course, um, I wouldn't want to ruin it, it would be like watching the Twilight Zone with someone who tells you all the endings or knowing Rosebud was- but never mind, I don't want to ruin it if you haven't seen it, and it's best to just wait for the surprise, right?"

"You're going to go searching!" She was in full gameface now and this was so not how the conversation was supposed to go. "None of us will get our presents if you do, and the Vicar will know we are bad children and never come for tea! We cannot keep such a naughty kitten, I will have to find another for Spike."

_(Omigod, omigod, omi- Spike! He said if Dru got scary...) _"You need to wait for Spike, Drusilla! He, you, you should wait until he gets back, you promised to wait and, and..."

The gold faded from her eyes and Xander felt some of his panic ebb. "I did promise to wait, and William will be sad if he doesn't understand. But you will have no cakes before bed time and cannot wait up with Mummy." She held one finger up in his face and he followed it as she drew it up to her nose and then he was falling into her black, black eyes. The last thing he heard as he fell asleep was, "Miss Edith will have to finish your tea."

**A/N : I love writing Dru. It's just so much fun.**


	10. Jealousy

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

"...from Las Vegas and San Fran are dust, and the Master of LA brought his whole court into the fight so there's going to be a major scramble there." Spike's voice, bored but crisp, was coming from somewhere near Xander and he could feel a lot of movement on the bed. "Some of the contenders will probably come here to pledge their loyalty in exchange for your support, and by your's I mean mine, yeah? Won't be running off to fight some loser's battles, though, so you'd best let me pick who this court backs."

_(Contenders? Masters and courts in other cities?)_ He considered grumbling or maybe flailing to get the movement and noise to stop so he could settle back to sleep, but luckily didn't have the energy.

"I will make the decisions on who the Hellmouth recognizes in other territories and your duty is to support my rule as a member of my Court." Xander wrestled his eyes open to see Spike sitting on the edge of the bed sans duster, pulling his boots off. Blood, both fresh and dried, and vamp dust covered his arms and stained the black t-shirt he wore. Drusilla was in the doorway seemingly talking to a minion, and a young boy was apparently suffering the delusion that he was the boss of William the Bloody.

"Watch yourself, Collin. 'M not one of your minions to order about. Dru and I have chosen to ally with you, and we eliminated a major threat to your rule tonight, which that useless wanker you sent to shadow me can confirm when you let him out of my trunk." _(Collin, huh? That must be the Annoying One. Creepy.)_ "If you want our support to continue, you need to stop that Dalton bloke looking up unkillable annoyances and get him researching a cure for my princess."

The kid looked on the verge of stomping his foot, but he maintained enough dignity to nod sharply and walk out with only a little unnecessary noise. Xander gave up entirely on sleep and sat up on the bed as Drusilla crawled over to Spike and helped him take his shirt off.

"Ah, my conquering prince... I can taste the entire battle on you."

"Can you now, love? Wouldn't taste there if I were you." The vampire shifted as he moved her gently away and Xander gasped when he saw the still bleeding wound in the left shoulder.

"Damn, that looks nasty."

"Don't know the half of it, pet, wanker had some sort of special crossbow bolts, holy water held in the points or summat. Burns like crazy and it won't stop bleeding. Haven't felt anything like it since I got this." He gestured to his scarred eyebrow with his right hand.

A quiet knock at the door came before he could beg for that story and Xander went to answer without thinking. The minion from earlier held a tray with a steaming basin of water, several white cloths and a pile of blood packets. Remembering the guidelines about eye contact, he took it and addressed the vampire casually while making a show of examining the contents. "Thank you. Master Spike will also need a small cup with some dirt in it."

"Dirt?"

"Just a spoonful or two, the ground outside is fine." He shut the door with his foot and took the tray back to the bed. Seeing Dru thoroughly occupied with licking one of the smaller wounds on Spike's chest _(look away from the pecs, Xan man! Also the abs!) _he handed over one of the blood packets and started washing around the worst injury.

"Might want to take off the vest, pet. And what do I need dirt for exactly?"

"Um, I'm not certain it will work, but Giles once told me you had to be careful with holy water because if it got the least dirty it wouldn't work anymore, spiritual purity requiring a physical manifestation or some other 'as below so above' sort of thing." Another quiet knock took him back to the door where the confused looking minion held a styrofoam cup with a bit of soil in it. He nodded and took it and returned to the bed continuing, "It's still working mixed with your blood, but I thought maybe..."

"Very good, looks like Dru got us a clever kitten." He looked up from mixing some water in the cup, instinctively waiting for the cut down that should follow an apparent compliment, but saw only a pleased smile that faded slightly into a look of concern. "What, pet?"

"Shoo, scat!" Drusilla waved her hands above and beside his head as if he had a bee bothering him. "Nasty thoughts all buzzing around him, bad boy and dummy and geek and loser, all sullying his armor and trying to stop him from drinking his cream. Chase them away, Spike, so he can hear you properly!"

"Like that, is it? Don't think swatting them will work though, love." _(It was nice of her to try.)_ He drew her back gently to his side and nodded towards the cup. "Let's give it a try then, pet, can't hurt me any - no gangrene for vampires."

"Okay." He poured a little of the water over the wound and noticed Spike immediately relaxing a little. "Working?" At the nod, he began to grin and gently manipulated the skin to get as much inside as possible. _(Hey it worked! Score one for the Xanman!)_

"Such a good kitten!" Drusilla clapped her hands with delight and grabbed Xander for a long kiss before dropping him, dazed, on the bed. "Mummy forgives you for looking for the presents, and we shall keep you!" _(Good? Should kisses like that be given by 'mummies'? Is Spike going to rip my arms off now in a jealous rage?)_ She began licking at the cleaned/dirty wound and, he couldn't help but notice, wriggling against the other vampire.

He looked up to Spike's face with some trepidation, only to see him grinning. "Hand me some more of those snack packs, pet. Had a rough night and no time to stop and feed."

Relaxing at the distraction he passed over a few more packets and began to clean up the blood and dust on the vampire's arms. Tracing the sculpted muscles with the warm cloth, he lost himself a little in the smooth, white skin. He felt... _(Jealous! That is jealousy you feel in the pit of your stomach and any suggestions to the contrary will be hit with a hammer!) _"So you were out, what? Beating up other Masters?"

"Not recreationally, though a couple made a good fight of it. The Annoying One has been sending out ultimatums to the masters of other cities around here to acknowledge his place, and while she was part of that sodding ritual, Dru here had a vision of them gathering to unite against him." He gave the vampire in his arms an affectionate smile. "Actually she had all number of visions, I had a minion write down everything she said and I've been picking through it for sense, but this one was pretty clear... well, if you know her. Anyway, I went to the meeting to sort them out."

"What, um, what is his place? I mean, he's in charge here, but if they have their own cities, why is that a big deal?" Xander tried not to look at the increasingly naughty licking that was going on, or the wriggling, and got Spike some more blood packets.

"Well, traditionally, the Master of the Hellmouth controls the entire California territory. And since that designation predates your statehood, it covers quite an area. There were Masters administering major cities, but under him."

He couldn't help but giggle. "Is there a lot of administration involved in being a master vampire? Like request forms for siring filled out in triplicate?"

Spike shuddered slightly. "You wouldn't be laughing at the idea if you'd met the Master of Sacramento. Kowtowed fast enough and even helped keep the other masters' minions out of the fights, but the bint was crazy. Wanted to know about the Annoying One's 'mediation plans for inter-territorial conflict resolution' and such. I think she was a speachwriting intern when she was turned..."

"Oh man, a policy wonk vamp. That's awesome."

"But siring actually is a big part of it. In a city with a proper Master, new vampires are only sired with the permission of the Court. Usually either by the Master themselves or a powerful member of the Court. The Court also administers the local blood houses and controls any troublemakers whose behavior might rile up the locals or attract Slayer attention." He had a bit of a smirk as he finished and Xander snickered at the sparkle in his eye.

"I'm gonna take a random guess here and say you know about that more from the 'troublemaker' end than the 'controlling'?"

Innocence was not a very convincing look on Spike. Particularly when Drusilla was trying to take off his pants. "It is possible that I have a reputation for making life more interesting when I'm around than certain withered old bat-faces can handle... No love, I've no wounds down there and the kitten will get jealous... But at least I don't leave a bunch of brainless fledges behind me when I go. And there's as many masters end up owing me a favor as wanting to run me out of their town."

"So you've never held a territory yourself?" _(Why would I be jealous, he and Drusilla are together and I don't want him... I mean her... Either of them!)_

"Nah, bloody boring and I'd end up dusting every other wanker that came to me with a problem." He glanced down at his Sire who was now snuggling happily into his mostly healed shoulder. "And the dynamic between me and my Princess would bugger things up if we were actually in a Court's hierarchy. Works best when we're guests."

"Oh... Oh! Because she's the boss in vampire terms so if you were running a territory anyone who didn't like your decisions would think they could go over your head to her..."

"Exactly, pet." _(I am not getting a warm fuzzy from the evil undead's approving smile! And his eyes aren't pretty! Shut UP brain!) _"Been plenty of times we've hired other kinds of demons when we needed muscle rather than dealing with vampires without a clear dominance chain. Was worse when the whole Scourge of Europe was still together - Darla was eldest, but Angelus fancied himself the leader, Dru's whims weren't to be ignored in case they were portents and I ended up doing most of the talking if we were traveling anywhere they didn't speak English or French. We'd blow into a local Court and no one had any idea which of us to kiss up to."

Xander giggled sleepily. His watch said three am and he wondered what time the Court shut down. "I should get home, to bed..."

"Bed right here, luv, and I'm too knackered to drive you. We'll have a quick kip and get you out of here before sunrise, don't worry." There was a problem with that plan, but he wasn't sure what. Something about jealousy?

"You aren't mad that Dru kissed me, are you? Don't want to wake up dead."

"Naw, not mad, pet, though I do feel a bit left out." An evil smirk crept across the vampire's face and he added, "Can fix that easy enough though."

"Well, yeah, she's right th-" the rest of his sentence and several crucial brain cells were lost in a cool, gentle and very thorough kiss. It seemed to last forever, but breathing hadn't yet become an issue when Spike leaned back on the pillows and pulled Xander onto his unoccupied shoulder. "Uh..."

"See, not left out anymore. Sleep a spell, Kitten, Dru needs her rest and so do I."

_(I'm gonna have to clear a lot of freaking out time this week...) _Glad that he was too sleepy to gibber and bother the evil monster whose embrace was making him feel very soft and safe, he drifted off before the realization that Dru hadn't been talking about getting Spike a **girl**friend could cause more than a mumbled "Ah ha..."

**A/N : Yeah, that every week update thing... that was a pipe dream. We'll just pretend I never said that. Erase, erase.**


	11. Clarifications

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

This time, Xander woke to silence. He was lying on his side and had his arms around a cool, slim body, while a more solid form held him from behind. After a significant amount of psyching up, he opened his eyes to observe dark curls and a white nightgown. Glancing down a little further, he saw that a well muscled arm lay over his chest, ending in a black nailed hand that gently held Drusilla's shoulder.

_(Okay, let's examine the situation rationally. I'm snuggled between two master vampires. They both kissed me last night. One of them wants the other one to fall for me so he won't take it so badly when her Sire comes back and she falls all over him. At some point in the future, they're probably going to kill me and let a demon wear my body.) _

After some consideration, he decided that the only rational response would be to have a complete wiggins. But first he needed to pee.

"Mmph. Stop movin'. M' comfy."

_(Must delay wiggins.)_ "I gotta get up, Spike."

The arm tightened slightly and a leg was thrown over his for good measure. "Nuh uh. Not movin'. Warm."

_(Also filled with yummy blood, but let's hope he wakes up before that instinct kicks in.)_ "Spiiiiiike... I gotta go to the bathroom..." Very suddenly he was out of the bed, and the vampire was rolling into his warm spot grumbling sleepily about disgusting human bodies and all the things he didn't miss from being alive.

The bathroom looked to have been jerry rigged from an industrial washroom, and still had a couple of functioning toilets. Xander wondered briefly what a house custom built for a vampire would look like. No need for a kitchen, he supposed. _(Though they did have those blood packs, so maybe a fridge would come in handy.)_ He was distracted from the thought when he realized that he was in his boxer shorts and his shirt was unbuttoned.

_(Being undressed by the evil undead should really wake a guy up... I'm gonna have to reset my survival instincts.)_ Looking around the room as quietly as possible, he found his shoes, pants, vest and watch in an oddly neat pile. Then he actually looked at his watch and all thoughts of stealth fled.

"Oi, what's got you in such a tizzy, pet?" Xander spared a look over to the bed as he tried to get his pants on in a hurry and noticed that Spike must have gotten up and bathed at some point, because his hair was ungelled.

_(Look at those curls! Big Bad Lamb!) _"I gotta get out of here. I've only got an hour before school and I have to get home from where ever here is and shower and change and get there and even though I can be a little late for first period I still don't want to-"

"Breathe, luv, breathe!" He tucked Drusilla in and approached the panicking teen, blue eyes dancing with amusement. _(Is he wearing pajama pants? Or do they just call them sleep pants if there's no top? And does he work out or does turning give you a six pack like that automatically?) _"Can bathe here, I'll grab you some kit and get you to the halls of learning on time."

"Kit?" Xander was getting pretty comfortable with the feeling of being totally lost, which seemed like sort of a problem.

"Clothes, you berk... just go get cleaned up."

* * *

><p>After a quick shower Xander found a pile of clothes set by the sink. Not really his style and a bit small for him, but they would do. He walked back into a bedroom that vibrated slightly with some punk band on the stereo just in time to see a lot of smooth, white skin disappearing under black jeans.<p>

_(Aaaaand the pants are even smaller now. Oh gods above and below, I am not having tight-pants feelings about Spike's ass. Kill me now.) _"So, yeah, clothes, clothes are good, and music! Music is nice, though this music isn't what I'd actually call 'nice' in the niceness sense, more naughty than nice, you know, and is this your type of music, I hadn't really thought about what you'd like, though I assumed you were a big fan of Billy I-"

One moment the vamp was fixing his hair and the next a slightly gel tasting finger was pressed against Xander's lips. "Don't. Even. Say it."

"Um, right not saying, but I was just saying because you know, your-"

"Been doing my hair this way since I stopped dying it black in the 50s, I'll have you know." Spike actually looked more pissed at him than he'd seen since the Bronze, and Xander decided to try to inch his way away from the sore spot.

"So you used to have it black... what's your natural color?"

The vampire glared for another moment then went back to creating a hair-helmet. "Was blond when I was alive, but darker. Kept it longer then, was a style for men." After a glance that a severely deluded person might think of as 'shy', he rummaged through a chest in the corner and unrolled a large sheet of heavy paper.

"Wow." It was all Xander could think of for a moment. The painting was clearly a formal portrait, two women sitting in old fashioned dresses while a man stood behind each, dark behind fair, fair behind dark. Drusilla had changed little, and in spite of the long, darker hair, Spike was recognizable behind her, looking down with adoration in his gaze. The other man had long hair as well, pulled back tightly and Xander had to stare. "Is that...?"

"The pre-brood version of Peaches? In all his limey glory." A note of bitterness entered the vampire's voice. "Back when we were a family."

"Don't fret, dear William," Xander jumped when Drusilla slipped her arms around her Childe. "We shall be so again, and soon. Trust your mummy, sweet boy."

"Of course, my love." If Spike sounded a bit dutiful in his agreement, Xander wasn't saying anything. "Now I've got to get our kitten off to class, so you go back to bed, alright? You still need your rest till we can get you all the way well."

"But the kitten has lost his collar!" She sniffed his neck with some distress _(Vampire near neck! Danger, Will Robinson!) _and took a firm hold on his arm. "Kittens mustn't go out without their collars, he's in danger from the dog catcher and will be taken to the pound instead of brought home to us!"

Spike stroked her soothingly and translated for Xander. "You washed off some of the scent marking I put on you last night, and our princess is worried that you'll get into trouble with vampires or other demons if they don't know you're ours."

_(And on the list of things I never thought I'd say...) _"So, you need to lick me again?"

"Hmmm..." The vampire cocked his head and smiled. "Trust me, pet?"

"Um, more than I should, but less than you'd probably like?"

The smile broadened into a grin. "Still a good Stake-ateer, yeah? Hold still just a mo." Then there was, as predicted, licking, but it was light and gentle _(more of necking, really) _and again with the not wanting to have tight pants feelings relating to Spike. He felt as much as heard the weirdly organic crunch of gameface, but instead of having his throat ripped out there was just a light scratch swirled onto the damp skin. Then a heavier, slimier lick over the area and the vampire pulled back, human face sliding into place as he observed Xander's neck with satisfaction.

"Let me see! Oh the new collar is pretty, but it needs a tag from Mummy too." Drusilla reached out one perfectly manicured finger and scratched his neck hard. _(Ow! That's gonna leave a mark. Which is probably the point, so no use complaining.)_ After a few more curved cuts, she stuck her finger in her own mouth then leaned forward and licked wetly. "There, very nice."

Resisting the urge to wipe the wetness away, he put his shoes on then, nervously, gave Dru a kiss on the cheek. "Take care, okay?" She smiled beatifically at him and kissed over the area she had scratched before wandering back to the bed. Spike placed a hand on the small of his back and 'squired' him away as usual._ (Not a girl!)_

* * *

><p>"So... these are the tunnels, huh? They'd probably be really interesting if I could<strong> see <strong>anything..." So he was grumpy, so sue him. He wasn't sure if he was disappointed or relieved that he hadn't seen the outside of the lair/factory/court and so still had no idea where it was. They had just walked out to the garage and opened a new looking hatch covering a crudely excavated hole in the concrete that led to a wet but non-sewery smelling tunnel.

"Told you pet, you're likely enough to attract trouble with all your noise, nothing here needs a light but self delivering Happy Meals. Shining a torch around is like waving a big 'eat me' sign. 'Sides, haven't let you trip yet, now have I?"

"No..." And wasn't that a tripping point itself, waiting to spiral him down into the mess of his feelings for this monster. _('Trust me?' he said and I do and it's stupid beyond words, and I don't and I feel guilty for it, and if I'd been out of the building and seen a street sign I don't know if I could tell Buffy where they are.)_

"What's wrong, pet?"

"Um, wrong, nothing's wrong, what could be-"

"I can still see your face, luv, not to mention hear your heartbeat. Just tell me, won't be angry."

Xander found himself grinning. "Even if it's about Bil-"

"Hush it." But there was a hint of laughter under the annoyance.

"Come on, I've never had a celebrity look alike, you've got to admit it's a hell of a coincidence."

This time there was a real growl and he thought he caught a glimpse of golden eyes in the darkness. "Oh it's no coincidence..."

"But you said you'd been doing your hair that way-"

"Was back in England, mid seventies, did kinda a tour of all our old stomping grounds to celebrate my second Slayer."_ (And that should freak me out way more than it does.) _"Took in a few Sex Pistols shows, loved that band, and always made nice while I was there. Can't go snacking on the groupies, yeah, makes trouble for the venue and then they don't get good acts there." _(There's that freaking out.)_

"What is this, wildlife management for vamps?"

"Summat like that. Point is, there was this bloke was a big fan too, and had some musical talent himself, talked about joining his own band and did he have what it took. Was having a smoke with him after one show, told him he had the voice, but he needed the attitude to make a real name for himself, had to build an image, yeah?"

The urge to giggle welled up. "Oh no..."

"Oh yes! Few years later I see this new band, Generation X, and there he is right up on stage, had built an image sure enough, but I meant **his own**!"

He gave in to the giggles, stopping in the dark tunnel and leaning into Spike's small but immovable seeming frame. "That's... that's..."

"And there was no way I was going to change my look just because some human thought it looked good on him, but he got more and more popular, and now whelps like you what weren't even alive yet when he started on stage think I stole my look from him!" They got moving again, Xander still giggling slightly as Spike grumbled. "It's bloody annoying is what it is. Like if people went up to that ponce Dracula and asked him why he was ripping off Bela Lugosi..."

"Yeah, I suppose - still funny but... wait, Dracula is real?"

* * *

><p>He looked from the shadowed alcove across the sunny courtyard where students were trickling into the school. Five minutes before the bell, and he should head in, but Spike's hand had shifted from the small of his back to his hip and in the strange combination of <em>safe<em> and _trapped_ that made him feel he wasn't going to do anything as stupid as try to pull away before the vampire was ready to let him go.

"Avoided my question before, pet. What was it, bothering you?"

Blue eyes, not just looking at him but honestly seeing him and worrying about how he felt. Even knowing those eyes could turn gold, it was so hard to remember sometimes that the fangs came out and this beautiful man killed. Every. Single. Night.

"I feel safe with you." It was whispered, like a confession. "I trust you not to hurt me, and the thing is, I shouldn't. Because you're going to hurt me. Eventually, I'll be 'ripe' - whatever that means - and you or Dru will kill me." He forced himself to meet Spike's eyes again. "Right?"

Gold flecks were welling and fading in the blue, but the vampire's voice was gentle. "Princess fancies turning you, it's true. But 'tis traditional to wait till you've finished your schooling, and even then, s'not the same thing as killing you."

In a crazy way it was comforting. _(Probably makes me more likely to live through to graduation, I suppose.)_ But still... "How isn't it? I'll be dead, the idea that there'll be a vampire that looks like me and knows enough to get invites and kill my friends doesn't change that."

Spike looked honestly shocked. "That's what you think?"

"Giles said..."

"Right, the local Watcher-man. He told you the Council party line, yeah, nothing of the victim remains, just the demon that killed them wearing their face?" Xander nodded and Spike's expression tightened as he looked over at the more hurried students entering the school. "Haven't got the time to explain all of vampire lore without you being late, pet, but I'll tell you this for now. Sometimes it's true, especially with crumbs and lower minions, and sometimes close enough to make no never mind. But Dru wants you as a Childe, a true member of the family as it were, and she's a talent for turning. Wouldn't turn you meself, luv, less'n there was no other choice, for the risk of exactly what you fear. But Dru... she turned a composer for us once as a minion to have music in the lair. He not only kept his talent, but wrote new pieces after. You ask your Giles about that, maybe you'll understand the difference."

"I... I could still be me?" He was turned slightly into a true embrace and felt cool finger touch the spot on his neck that had been marked.

"Pretty as you are, pet, I don't just want a demon with your face, and my princess fancies you growing to a White Knight before she adds a little darkness. Don't expect you to welcome the idea yet, but believe that I won't stand for anyone truly killing you - even Dru." He kissed Xander lightly on the lips and stepped back towards the entrance to the tunnels. "Grew on me, didn't you? Now go to class."

**A/N : There is a poll related to this story on my profile. (Actually there are two polls but I can only link one there at a time.) I'm not promising to write to order on the results, but I'm curious what people like.**


	12. Conversations

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

**A/N : December sucked with a giant, horrible sucking sound. Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to work retail.**

"Whoa, Xander, did you trip over a fashion sense on your way to the closet this morning?"

"Cordy, long time no see, if only it had been longer."

"I know, I've been trying to spend my time with people who have futures."

"Speaking of your future, if that's the skirt all the guys have been talking about I'm gonna tell them that it doesn't make you look** that much **like a hooker."

"Nice, I think that bought us about five minutes of conversation without ruining my social life."

"I've only got three minutes till class, not that I care about your social life, and what do you want to talk about?"

"I had a date with Darren, Friday night. He was a little late, said he and the other Larries ran into you and 'some freaky English punk guy' and got distracted."

"...Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh'. And without making it sound like I cared who you hang out with, I got a decent description of the English punk guy, who sounded an awful lot like the English punk **vampire** who gave my best clubbing dress to his freaky girlfriend and caused me to get hung up and almost sacrificed wearing some polyester track suit a middle aged woman had probably died in!"

"It's good to know the only residual trauma from the incident was fashion related... Look, yes, it was Spike, but you saw me come in from the sun, I'm not turned, I'm not in danger, okay."

"That's good- I mean, like I care if you're in danger! I'm more wondering if you have your own fangy guard dog, cause Darren said you seemed to be trying to make like you and the Larries were friends."

"I... Sort of. He and Drusilla, that's his girlfriend, they have some sort of weird Master Vampire... affection for me. Like 'my folks were being kinda jerks and he asked if I wanted to keep them' sociopathic sort of affection."

"Oh."

"Heh, 'yeah, oh.' Look, you know I wouldn't ask this for myself, even though I saved you from being part of Franken-girl, but..."

"Right, you want me to burn my social capital getting the jocks to leave you alone in the interests of sparing their lives."

"Hey, next time Buffy gets all high and mighty about her destiny you can tell her 'I save lives too and had less fun this weekend because of it!' right?"

"Fine, I suppose popularity like mine comes with some responsibility to my followers..."

* * *

><p>"Hey G-Man!"<p>

"Please don't call me that. Is something wrong, I didn't expect to see you until after school."

"Not wrong exactly, but I saw Spike last night and he said something I thought you'd want to know."

"You do realize, the implication that seeing Spike in and of itself is neither 'something wrong' nor something you thought I should know is concerning..."

"Um... Yeah, I guess it would be. I've sort of got this 'don't worry about it till Graduation' Zen thing going on for the moment."

"Gradua-"

"I'll tell you all about it later, I just wanted to let you know before I run to lunch that a bunch of the Masters of other cities got killed last night and some others swore loyalty to the Anointed One. I don't know how close the Watcher's Council watches vampire politics, but, you know..."

"Oh dear lord. I'd read that before his imprisonment, the Master ruled all of California, this new master of the hellmouth wants to revive the tradition?"

"Basically. I didn't get the full scorecard, but I guess San Francisco, Vegas and LA are all without head vamps at the moment, and LA lost the whole 'court'. Maybe some others, um, Sacramento swore loyalty so no change there."

"I see. Yes, thank you Xander, this is indeed information that we and the Council will need to deal with. Not only because of the Anointed One's increase in influence, but the power vacuum in the other cities will cause an increase in vampiric activity."

"Wannabe masters turning courts for themselves?"

"Essentially."

"Great, Scooby road trip patrols..."

* * *

><p>"Harris, what the hell!"<p>

"And hello to you too, Deadboy, wanna leave my shirt alone, I have a firm 'two vamp max' dating policy."

"This is no time for jokes, you let them **mark** you! Has Giles seen this?"

"No, there was a more immediate issue before I gave him a little Watcher geek-gasm which will probably end with me as the centerfold for 'Council Quarterly' documenting the definite existence of vampire claims."

"But... This... Is this because I attacked you? Challenged his claim?"

"Dial down the guilt, Brood-miester. It's closer to being because Spike attacked you - he took me to see Dru to get out of the doghouse and then she wouldn't let me leave this morning without a collar in case the dogcatcher thought I was a stray kitten."

"..."

"Right, so Dru-speak is a talent you don't share with Blondie?"

"No one understands Dru-speak like Spike does. It's half the reason I held back from dusting him as a fledge. With him around, her foresight was actually an advantage rather than a belated realization annoyance."

"And here I thought it was just because he was so pretty."

"..."

"Ew! Don't **tell** me these things!"

"I didn't say anything!"

"Exactly! Don't fail to deny these things!"

"...I'm leaving now."

"Yeah, you do that."

* * *

><p>"Lo pet."<p>

"Um... Hi Spike?"

"What did you need?"

"I guess I needed to know why there was a cell phone on my pillow with a number programmed in for you."

"Occurred to me that I know where to find you but you've no way to get in touch with me."

"Well yeah, I actually sort of thought that was the point of the blacked out thrill ride. It's... probably for the best that way..."

"Other Stake-ateers want to know where I live, luv?"

"Oh no, Buffy has no interest whatsoever in tracking down the most dangerous vamp to hit town since the Master, especially when you're stalking one of her friends. No one will even ask, I'm sure."

"Stalking you am I? Here I thought we were mates?"

"Spike, even if I could explain this relationship - and I use the word loosely - to the Buff-ster, I'm pretty sure she would still consider staking you to be the best option... right after sending me off for a spiritual cleansing and deprogramming session with G-man's English friends."

"Pet..."

"Oh gods, please don't kill her now! I mean, don't kill her because I said that, I know you want to kill her anyway with the Slayer thing and you killing people as a lifestyle choice, but if you could avoid killing specific people because of things I say it would help me avoid having a complete nervous breakdown, which maybe you wouldn't mind since you like Dru so much and she-"

"Xander!"

"...yes?"

"Dru took the Slayer off the menu anyway, remember?"

"She...? Yeah, she did. Huh."

"Look pet, I'd kill someone if they were hurting you or trying to take you away from me, won't deny it, but I promise I won't kill anyone just from an unconsidered remark, yeah?"

"Okay, that's... thanks."

"No worries, love my Princess I do, but I like you sane. Well, mostly sane."

"Hey!"

"Go to sleep, luv, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Alright. Goodnight, Spike."

"Night, Xander."


	13. Foiled again curses

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

**Warning : Talky. Possibly self indulgent on a theory of magic level.**

Xander closed his bedroom door quietly and turned the window fan on high. It was a cool night, but the motor was loud enough to cover any sounds he made, without being distinct enough to draw his father's attention like music would. White noise, he thought they called it?

_(Yeah, think about trivia, not how bad things got while you were on the 'field trip' to LA this week... Giles said he would get me out of the house when it got like this, but I was just gone.)_ He pushed it all aside and grabbed his cell phone as he flopped down on the bed. Two rings and then a surprisingly feminine voice.

"Hello, dear kitten, are you coming tonight for a tea party?"

"Um, no, Drusilla, sorry but I can't. I just wanted to check in with Spike... is everything okay there?" He could hear some crashes in the background.

"Oh yes!" Dru sounded downright giddy, which was probably a bad sign. "They are all playing king of the mountain in the other courts and William will give one lucky lad a boost, but only if he shows he can climb well first. He is having ever so much fun, and he asks Mummy first before sending any away."

"That's good that he's listening to you." Another crash in the background, and Xander wondered what they were trashing and if the Annoying One was pouting about it. "Could you tell him I called when he's done?" He was hoping that daily check ins would stop Spike from coming by his house. Even though he'd seemed willing to spare Xander's folks, the less they interacted, the better.

"Oi, don't hang up, luv!" He heard some Dru-soothing noises in the background then Spike was back. "Still there, yeah?"

"Yeah, I'm here." He was glad they didn't have video phones. Bad enough he could feel the sappy grin he got when Spike sounded so eager to talk to him, no one needed to see it. "You done with your playmates already?"

"Sodding wankers, not a worthy Master in the lot. The Annoying One is making noises about trying to get other members of the line to come here from Europe or somesuch." He could hear bootheels on concrete and then a door open and close. "Might be better than the pretentious fledges from LA trying to get appointed by Royal decree since they can't build a court with you Stake-ateers making road trips."

_(Right, of course he knows about that, and he knows it's because I passed on what he said.)_ "You aren't, um, mad at me about that, are you? I mean, the power struggles seemed like something Buffy should know about, and..."

"No worries, pet. I don't expect you to keep secrets, and if they can't deal with a Slayer, they shouldn't be calling themselves Masters anyway. Speaking of, though, the Great Poof hasn't given you any more trouble, has he?"

"No, I think he's afraid to mention anything about the claim because then G-Man will start asking him more questions about what he can sense and how it works." He grinned at the laughter coming over the line. "Seriously, I think Giles sees me as his great opportunity in scholarship, or something. He's filled two notebooks with every detail he can drag out of me on things you or Drusilla have said, and taken so many close up pictures of my neck I'm wondering if he's selling them to vamp skin mags."

"And I was just doing it as a temporary mark. If I'd known it was going to be recorded for posterity, I would have spent more time on the design." Spike didn't seem angry though, and he relaxed a little.

"Well, your's is at least the sort of thing he'd expect. Deadboy told him the fancy A is the Aurelius mark like on a signet ring and an S in the middle makes sense. I think he's a little more thrown by the other side." Xander heard the chuckles start and had to giggle a little himself. "I mean, 'S + D' in a heart isn't really what you expect from a master vampire's claim mark."

"This is Dru we're talking about, pet. Lucky she didn't draw an arrow through it."

* * *

><p>"Hey G-Man, how's it going?"<p>

"Everything is fine, and don't call me that."

Xander grinned. Yeah, his life could be predictable in some ways, but that wasn't always a bad thing. "Listen, I had a kind of theoretical magic question for you, if you have some time."_ (Does anyone fall for the 'theoretical question' gambit?)_

Giles gave the Librarian Look Number 4 (slightly over the glasses, skeptical but not annoyed). "Theoretical, you say? Of course." _(Yeah, I didn't think so either.)_

"Well, I was just thinking about magic and, um, curses. Just generally."

"You mean like An-"

"**Just** curses, generally."

This prompted Look Number 6 (Head slightly cocked, not sure he understands but following the general gist of SoCal thought). "Very well, generally speaking, what was your question?"

_(Okay, take the plunge, Xan-man. I'm not looking for presents, just doing some cleaning in the attic and the Vicar can't get mad about that, right? What exactly __**is**__ a Vicar, anyway?)_ "If someone I cared about had been placed under a curse, and I wanted to free them from it, would there be any way to do that?"

"Someone you cared about?" Giles looked a little thrown off his game, as he clearly no longer thought they were talking about Deadboy. Xander just nodded. "Well, I suppose that would depend on several factors, mostly related to how the curse had been placed, and your access to magical knowledge and power."

"So there are ways to do it?"

"Again, the placement of the curse matters... Say I had been cursed with blindness - the first thing you would need to know is whether the magic was a continual force blocking my sight, or if the curse had caused me to be physically blinded in an unlikely but natural fashion."

"Okay, that makes sense..." Souls didn't naturally fall into vampires even by accident, and Dru saw the curse as an active thing, so that question was answered. "So if it's the continual force one... like um, a possession or something, I would be able to break it?"

The watcher's smile was almost a smirk this time. "You personally? That takes us back to knowledge and power."

_(Ha ha, very funny.)_ "Let's assume this theoretical me has a high Spellcraft skill and can do some magic himself."

"Spellcraft?"

"Um, Dungeons and Dragons... it's the skill characters use to recognize the school of magic and spell in use..." And now he was blushing. Yeah.

"Ah, well in that case, you would cast Detect Magic and attempt to determine if the curse had been cast 'whole' or with an escape clause."

_(What had she said back at the Bronze? The cage had a door? And Giles knows D&D jargon?)_ "Is that common? And why would someone want to put an escape clause in their curse to begin with?"

"One of two reasons, usually." Giles had gone fully into lecture mode, which Xander supposed was good, because he would be embracing the theoretical and not looking for hints on what this was about. "Sometimes curses are placed, not as an attack or vengeance, but in order to literally 'teach someone a lesson'. In which case, the nature of the curse and the conditions under which it failed would be linked to that lesson. In my earlier example, if someone cursed me with blindness because they felt I spent too much time with my nose in moldering old books, she might make it so that the curse would be lifted if ever I honestly felt that the solution to a particular problem came from that infernal computer contraption alone and not from real old fashioned research."

Several snickers escaped before Xander managed to school his expression. "Some people think having 'your fight' is a sign of a passionate relationship."

"**Some** people think that American football is a cultural event..."

"Heh, moving on... You said there were two main reasons?"

"Er, yes, the other one, ironically, is to make the curse harder to break."

Xander thought he knew what 'ironically' meant, but maybe in this case it meant making no sense? "Can we get a huh?"

"It is a matter of balance. You understand that any large magic tends to draw on an outside source of power - Earth energy, chaos forces, mass belief, powerful extraplanar beings, etc?"

"I guess that makes sense. Smaller magics can draw on the spellcaster's own personal energy?"

"Yes, minor levitations and mind magics for instance; what popular culture defines as 'psychic' abilities. But to be at all effective, a curse must channel it's power from elsewhere and the amount of power that can be accessed determines how strong the curse is and how difficult it would be for another user of magic to remove it." Giles caught his eye, and seemed satisfied that he was still mostly keeping up. "For reasons the underpinnings of which would keep us here all night, most sources of magic are... 'willing' as it were, to give more power to a spell which is in some way limited."

"Huh, like how Invisibility to Undead is a lower level spell than just straight Invisibility... uh..." The blush came back but Giles seemed to approve the pop culture tangent.

"Indeed, most fictional depictions of magic draw from factual roots, and to an, er, outside observer, roleplaying games are no different. So, to go back to the earlier example, even if the person cursing me with blindness didn't care if I learned anything from it, she might still include an escape clause simply because my own magical abilities would probably be sufficient to remove the curse otherwise."

Xander got up to pace, he knew Giles considered sitting still a sign of attention but he couldn't think this much without moving. "Okay, so if I know the curse is ongoing, and I know there's an escape clause, I would try to figure out what exactly that clause required and bring it about, rather than just use magic to brute force it open..."

"Yes, research into the person or group who had cast the curse or some divinations would probably be the next step. Though even if that was successful, escape clauses do not often use conditions that can be easily and deliberately brought about."

"More likely to be someone crying for the unlovable jerk than the kiss of a protagonist appropriate to your gender and orientation?"

Giles laughed. "Quite. Escape clauses are rare conditions, and often things that would be very difficult in the cursed state, render the curse somewhat moot or both."

"Oh! Like if the blindness curse was lifted by you somehow being able to read anyway!"

"Very good." Giles' smile of approval didn't give him the same sort of warm fuzzies that Spike's did. Probably because he was all mentor-y and his eyes weren't as pretty._ (Shut __**up**__, brain!) _But it still felt good. "Now, I imagine you actually have a class at some point today, and it's always possible that a student will want to use the library eventually..."

"Hint received, G-man. I'll see you after school." He hoped that his own hints got the watcher thinking in the right directions, because otherwise the next step was going to Miss Calendar for information and that was undeniable 'looking for presents' territory.

_(And I'm totally okay with Father Christmas not coming if he's bringing us a de-souled Deadboy, but less so with Dru getting mad about the disappointed Vicar.)_ With any luck this whole thing could fly under the psychic radar longer if he wasn't the one asking direct questions.

Then again, when did he have any luck?

* * *

><p>As it turned out, his usual luck must have been building up a hell of a karmic debt in his favor, because a week later he walked into the library with Willow and Buffy to find Deadboy waiting uncomfortably while Miss Calendar sorted through some old looking papers for a change and Giles paced.<p>

"Angel, hi!" Buffy went to sit beside her boyfriend, causing a mildly pained look to cross the Watcher's face. "Is there something you need to tell us?"

"Um, no, Giles asked me to come tonight."

"Yes, I'm afraid there's something Jenny and I need to tell him - to tell all of you." A moment of glasses polishing failed to make them all disappear. "We have been doing some research into the nature of the curse that was placed by the gypsies all those years ago; there are texts which Jenny's uncle had been holding as the senior family member and details which he had not revealed."

The computer teacher took over, looking like she was wishing for the laptop projector she used in class. "Rupert felt that considering the attack on Uncle Enos and the use of St Vigeous' night, we should prepare for if the Anointed One tried again to unleash Angelus on us." _(Oh thank you G-Man, you didn't connect me to it out loud. Firstborn kid, totally yours.)_

Buffy leaned forward, very serious for once. "Are you saying there might be a way for the court or that crazy Drusilla chick to remove Angel's soul?" She moved protectively closer to the dark haired man, which only caused Giles to look more pained.

"Actually, Buffy..." More glasses polishing as courage was clearly gathered, "From what we have discovered, the greatest threat to the integrity of the curse may be... well... you."


	14. Relations and Relationships Part I

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

Xander knocked on the door for the third time, with about the most force he thought he could use without kicking. Hopefully it would be answered this time, because there was only so much volume escalation a guy could use before people threatened to call the cops. Luckily the door opened just as he was trying to calculate the right strength to not hurt his toes through the sneakers.

_(Wonder if Spike would buy me some boots like his if I asked. Of course, I use the word 'buy' loosely.)_

"Harris?"

"Hey, Deadboy."

The vamp looked at him with a mixture of curiosity and dread - or maybe constipation again. "Is there another immutable prophecy you wanted to harass me into helping you stop?"

He couldn't help it, he grinned. "Naw, it's just, well, can I come in? You see, I hit my head earlier and decided to try to talk you out of leaving town instead of painting a yellow brick road to the city limits."

Ah, confusion, one of the few emotions Angel's face expressed well. But he stepped back out of the doorway and waved Xander in, so a win was a win.

"You don't want me to leave?"

"Want is a tricky word in this situation, Deadboy. I mean I _want_ Snyder to fall down an open manhole and get eaten by giant hellmouthy sewer rats, but it could still have bad consequences down the road, ya know?" Taking in the look of total bewilderment, he changed tacks. "Buff and Wills are upset. And you are a really strong fighter - Buffy might not have been able to get everyone away from the Master-raising ceremony without you as backup."

Angel looked down at his hands for a long moment. "You heard Giles and Miss Calendar - my soul could disappear if I experienced a moment of pure happiness. Buffy is the best thing that's happened to me in 250 years, Harris. I'm surprised the curse wasn't broken in the Master's lair when she started breathing on her own again." He made a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob. "If I hadn't been selfish enough to have been cursing my lack of breath that didn't allow me to save her myself, I could have killed you both right then and let the Master finish opening the Hellmouth."

"Would you have?" _(Deadboy's opening up to me. Too bad this conversation is too important to detour towards blackmail-worthy topics.)_ "I mean, me yeah, of course, but if you love the Buffster enough to get the whole 'perfect bliss' condition, surely you wouldn't kill her even if you lost your soul."

"I love her **because** I have a soul. Demons can't love, nothing without a soul is capable of it, they certainly can't feel anything for a human but hunger or hate." Xander didn't even bother to speak, just pulled his shirt back slightly, revealing Spike's mark, and looked steadily into the other man's eyes. "Harris, that's not... They aren't normal vampires, okay? Dru is insane, and from what I can tell had some sort of vision of what you could be like in the future that she wants to come true. Spike is just... Spike."

"Very articulate."

"It's hard to explain to a human. There's this air of humanity that clings to him, always has. Before my soul, I hated it because I thought it made him weak. Now it scares me because I can see the ways it makes him stronger." He sat heavily on the bed and seemed to grasp for a way to explain. "Buffy and I were out on patrol once and I spotted Drusilla ahead of us. I pretended to hear something and led Buffy away. Do you know why?"

"Um, you care a tiny bit about her as your childe?" Angel shook his head sadly. "Jerk... then, I dunno, you were scared she would pull the scary thrall thing and get one over on Buff?" Another shake. "Okay, fine, I give up, if you didn't want to protect Dru and you weren't protecting Buffy, then why keep them apart?"

"Because I honestly have no idea what level of carnage Spike would unleash on this town if Drusilla was killed." _(Ooh, scary images there.)_ "Humans say things like 'he fought like a demon' or 'he fought like he was possessed' but we **are** possessed by demons and I can honestly say that the times Dru has been in danger, Spike scared me because he fought like a **man**. A man protecting someone he loves more than his own life. That's just not... normal for vampires, even when it comes to our sires, okay?"

Xander nodded. He knew that Spike wasn't like the fledges they fought, but to hear Angel describe the differences from another vampire's perspective was a whole new world. Still, back on topic. "Okay, I can't use Spike and Dru as a guide to what you'd be like without a soul. I mean, Dru said once that Spike always liked a tough fight, and you liked torture as performance art." _(Guilty look! Score!) _"But that's not my main point here. Even if we agree no soul Deadboy is bad, I'm not sure that means you should leave."

"But if I'm with Buffy, the danger-"

"Okay, I need you to channel a little of the crude asshole from St Vig's night to get through this conversation. You've been 'with' Buffy in the confirmed couple, smooching on patrol way for a while now without soul slippage. At what base are you worried about perfect bliss?"

Spluttering vampire. Pretty cool. "Are you sure **you** aren't possessed again? And I barely know what the 'bases' are!" After glowering under the teen's grin for a moment, Angel sat back with a sigh. "I don't know that it's a physical issue - Buffy is trusting me more, accepting me more, making me feel like I could be redeemed, be... a man again." A pause and roll of the eyes. "But if she were to express that trust by letting me sleep with her, that would probably do it."

Once he controlled the snickers, Xander gave the other man a stern look. "Well, as a friend of the Buffster, I gotta say I'm okay with that doomsday scenario being put off until at least Senior Prom. I mean, I know girls got married at 14 or whatever when you grew up, but Buffy's won't be pushing old maid status if you hold off on the naked fun a couple of years. Not to mention you're like 200 years older than her and waiting until she's legal in all 50 states is not unreasonable."

"And the sexual frustration on my part is just a bonus to you?"

"Not just because it would stop you from being happy enough to go evil." The grin faded quickly though, and he sat beside the vampire. "Angel, that other night I came here, about the Master... The day before, I'd asked Buffy to the Spring Dance. Not with me and Willow, flat out saying I wanted to date her. She turned me down. She didn't do it because of mystical dangers, or to protect me, she just didn't want that from me and told me so in so many words. I didn't drag you down there to help her because I thought it would change her mind about me, I just really didn't want her to die or for the Hellmouth to open."

"Harris..."

"No, listen. This year, she pulls that cocktease at the Bronze then wanders off to let me be killed by vamps because she's having 'issues', which she still hasn't apologized for, by the way. And while I'm back in the friend zone, I gotta say the Naked Buffy Show hasn't exactly come back into the Xander Fantasy Hit Parade. But I'm still here, because I still don't want the Hellmouth to open, and I'd like to think that I stake a fledge or two that might have gotten away that patrol and killed more people if I hadn't."

Angel nodded but couldn't quite meet his eyes. "So why am I skipping town on my shot at redemption just because I might not get the girl either, is that the question?"

"More or less." He placed his hand on the other man's shoulder. "Buffy is special, I'm not gonna deny you that, but you didn't come here to fall in love with Buffy, you came to help the Slayer protect the Hellmouth. The current Slayer's... Buffy-ness should just be a bonus."

Xander decided to leave it at that and started for the door, but paused with a small smile. "And if you stay and annoy Giles and Miss C with the star crossed mutually unrequited love enough, maybe they can figure a loophole."

Angel looked away, but he caught a glimpse of a grin. "Go away, Harris."

"Later, Deadboy."

* * *

><p>"That was weird. I'm wigging. Are you wigging, Willow?"<p>

The redhead nodded enthusiastically while not releasing the death grip she'd kept on Xander's bicep since the three of them had left the cemetery. "Definite wig. Xan, why aren't you wigging?"

"I'll probably wig a little later, but right now I've got that 'pleasantly surprised to be alive' glow holding it off." And he was pretty sure he knew where to turn for easy answers, but wasn't bringing that up in front of the girls. _(Yeah, 'Hey Buff, give me a sec while I call my evil undead phone buddy and check.' That would go over well.)_ "I mean, Team Slayer : three, Vamp Crumbs : zero, what's to wig? You can tell G-Man about it tomorrow and he'll obsess on my neck a little more."

Buffy shook her head. "Sure, I'm glad nobody was hurt and does anyone else flash on Thomas and Friends when I say that, but let's face it - vamps rising from the grave, lunging for the nearest human throat, then saying 'sorry, I thought you were someone else' and trying to run away is** not normal**."

"_Luckily_, no one was hurt!" The other two chorused but Xander recovered from the giggles first. "I dunno, if it was an older one, I'd assume he recognized Spike's mark, but do baby vamps come with heraldic knowledge when they rise?"

A circle of shrugs and mumbled 'Giles will know's tabled the discussion. "Anyway, it's my stop ladies, you two better get home and tuck yourselves in. And if there's anyone of a non parental nature to do the tucking in, please don't ever tell me." His sprint for the porch made the retaliatory strikes glancing, and he was smiling as he shut the front door behind him.

"Damnit, Alex, do you know what time it is?" _(Happy to zero in 1.5 seconds, my home is a reverse car commercial.)_

"I've got five minutes to ten, Dad." He walked quickly into the living room rather than yell it.

"Don't sound so smug, curfew was at nine, you fucking idiot."

Apparently, tonight was the blowup night. Giles was gonna be mad he didn't tell him like they agreed. _(It's not an exact science, Mr Told Ya So Brain.) _"I'm sorry, Dad, I thought it was ten on the weekends like over the Summer, I didn't mean to be late." He hunched down a little and tried to look as ashamed as possible. A month ago he would have argued on the basis that bruises fade but cowardice lasts forever.

_(A month ago it wouldn't have been about saving his life.)_

"Huh, you trying to think was the first mistake. Get me a beer and get your ass to bed before I beat some sense into you." Xander scurried to the kitchen, hating himself for scurrying but trying to keep his thoughts on overprotective vampires. Cordy had attended a sporting event where no one was watching her cheer to get Larry protection for him, he could play beta-male to his dad.

"What the hell, I asked you for more bourbon!"

"I heard..."

"Don't you see the glass in my hand?" He saw it well enough to duck when it came at his head, and felt the splatter on his back as it shattered against the wall. "You are the most useless fuck in the world, get the hell out of here before you screw anything else up!"

_(I don't want him to die, I don't want him to die, I don't want it to be my fault that he dies at the very least...)_ Xander made it up to his room to the accompaniment of a loud monolog on how he had ruined his parents' happy and comfortable lives and was relieved to hear the beer can opening. _(Hope that's enough to put him out in front of the TV cause if he steps on glass getting more, I'm in for a world of pain.)_

Opening his door, he briefly wondered why he'd left the light on before the sight of a blond vampire relaxing bootless on his bed answered that question.

**A/N : I live! Mostly.**


	15. Relations and Relationships Part II

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

**A/N : I forgot to mention in the last chapter that the fledge's response to Xander was lovingly ripped off from Terry Pratchett in his introduction of Corporal Carrot.**

**A/N2 : Wow, I've been writing this fic for a year. The number of chapters shows how well my initial updating plan held up, but I'm honored by everyone who's stayed interested.**

Xander thought his brain might short out from conflicting emotions. There was the mind numbing terror that Spike had heard his dad and was going to kill him. There was a heightened version of the embarrassingly girly "Spike wants to talk to me!" feeling he got on the phone. There was a slight worry that something was wrong with Drusilla to have the vampire coming here rather than just calling. And rounding out the overload were some highly repress-worthy thoughts about how Spike looked lying on his bed and how he'd left room instead of taking up the whole thing.

_(I notice that fear for your own life from the mass murderer in your bedroom is nowhere on the list.)_

Yeah, whatever, he'd worry about restarting his survival instincts later. Now he had to choose between trying to distract Spike and just throwing himself on his knees and begging for Tony Harris' life.

_(Hmm, Spike on my bed, me on my knees, this could get kinky...)_

Shut up brain! "Uh, hi Spike..."

"This Summers git needs a right proper killing, he does. Some hero."

_(Further brain freeze in progress. Please stand by.)_ He noticed that the vampire was gesturing with one of his Classic X-Men and grasped context if not sanity.

"Yeah? Um, why? And do you mean Cyclops or Havok?"

"The Scott wanker." Spike heightened his voice and put on a truly atrocious American accent. "Oh, Colleen, I did love Jean, but she's gone now and what I feel for you is just as real and- What? Jean's not dead? Colleen who, she's just a friend!" He gave a contemptuous snort. "Sodding tosser. Surprised the bint doesn't come back as a supervillian and kick his user arse."

Giggling a little, Xander started unloading his pockets of weapons and turned on the fan. "He pulls the same thing on Maddy Pryor when Phoenix dies. Only he actually marries her then leaves her and their baby with barely a word when he hears Jean's back."

"And he's supposed to be the good guy? Wanker." Spike snagged a belt loop and pulled him sprawling onto the bed. "Smell like vamp dust, pet, been out looking for trouble?"

_(I'm nervous that I'm not more nervous. And this is absolutely not comfy, stupid brain!) _"Just helping out on a patrol. Is everything okay? Do I have to go to another tea party, cause I gotta tell you, still repressing the last one." And that was before he ruined Father Christmas' gift for Dru.

"Naw, no trouble and no tea parties." Xander was manhandled _(Vamp-handled?) _around to lie facing the smiling man. "Just missed ya, luv. Ringing you up is all well and good, but I wanted to see for myself that you're doing okay."

Crap, Spike was gonna see the sappy grin. _(Must. Resist. Girly. Blush!)_ "Well, um, thanks..." Part of him wanted to admit to missing the vampire in return, but he decided to play it close to the vest for now. "Hey, I was about to call you anyway. Do crumbs rise knowing vampiric heraldry?"

Spike's boggled face was so cute. _(No, homicidal monsters are __**not**__ cute!) _"Beg pardon, pet?"

"A vamp got kinda close on patrol and basically freaked out and ran away when he saw your mark. He looked like he'd just dug his way out, so it seemed weird that he would recognize it, and I wondered if it was like demon memory from whoever turned him."

"Ah. No, demon doesn't come with memories like that, doesn't come with any distinct memories really, just instincts." He pulled Xander closer and nuzzled into the mark as he continued, "Crumb smelled a Master of his same line on you and demonic instincts recognized that you weren't something he should be touching even if he didn't understand the specific rules by which claims are enforced among the Aurelians."

"Smelled?" _(Hmmm, nuzzling nice...) _"I've showered plenty of times since then..."

Chuckling while nuzzling felt even nicer. And hadn't he had a long talk with himself about tight pants feelings surrounding Spike and how he wasn't going to have any? "That worked when I just licked over your skin, pet, but I mixed my saliva and a bit of blood in with the mark and your body took it in when you healed. Lasts quite a bit longer that way, though if the wanker got hold of you before he smelled me, I should probably refresh it."

"Okay, but not Dru again, her's hurt... Whoa!" He sat up as his brain suddenly caught up with some of the prior words and came online. "You put your blood in my cuts? Didn't you say that's how crumbs got made? And how smelly is vampire blood if it lasts that long, and what kind of stuff is it going to do to me, and what can this claim thing make me do, and..."

"Xander, pet, breathe!" Spike pulled the panicking boy down on top of him and gave him a quick, hard kiss. "Calm down a sec, and I'll explain, yeah?"

Okay, calming down, he could do that. The kiss had nicely reset his 'I have vamp blood' terror into the 'Spike kisses feel good' confusion that he had grown adept at repressing. He rolled over before he could gather any priority-repress information about how it felt to be pressed thigh to chest against the vampire.

_(Yeah, right, too late, buddy. We're gonna have a nice long inch by inch review before you go to sleep tonight. And maybe in the shower tomorrow.)_ Shut **up**, brain!

"Better? Right then, blood in the wound only turns crumbs because they've been drained and because of the energy of the Hellmouth. In your scar, all it does is hold the smell, and maybe the slightest trace of my demon for others to sense. Vampire's demon is in the blood, see, Dalton thinks that's why we turn to dust - when the demon dies all the blood and other liquid disappears and the rest scatters."

"Dalton?"

"Book vamp the Annoying One has around. I've had him researching a cure for Dru, and when it comes to vampires whether it's killing, curing, controlling or creating it's all about the blood." Xander nodded, relaxing onto Spike's shoulder. _(His explaining voice is kinda Gilesy, except sexier.) _"The claim I have on you now doesn't do anything except temporarily mark you so that other demons see you as the property of a Master Vampire. Among Masters and court minions who know the rules, it also gives you a certain status."

"Er, good status or chew toy status?"

Spike chuckled and began to pet his hair absently. "Well, to my Sire, potential chew toy, simply because sire rights include ownership of temporarily marked and unaccepted Claims. To others, it's basically the same status as if you were my newly turned but acknowledged childe. Minions would treat you with respect and obey your orders as if you ranked just below me, other Masters would leave you alone unless they were attempting to deliberately provoke me and might try to make alliances with you, though that would be more likely with a permanent claim."

_(I don't feel hurt that I'm not good enough for a permanent claim, whatever that is. I want to be unclaimed, not more claimed!)_ "So I'm property to most demons, but old school vamps will also see me as sort of a vampire by adoption?"

"Pretty much, pet. But enough of that," Xander was pulled up from the shoulder for a moment for a light kiss. "Hows about we get a little more comfy and you can tell me about your night other than confused crumbs."

_(You'd be much more comfy without these pants...)_ No, no he wouldn't. Stupid brain. "Uh, I'm not sure we should be any more comfortable... I mean, if my dad saw us just like this, he'd-"

Arms tightened almost painfully around him and he heard the crackle of gameface over a rising growl.

_(Oops.)_

* * *

><p>Right, overprotective vamp with good enough hearing to know exactly what went down earlier. Probably shouldn't have brought up Dad.<p>

_(Gee, ya think?)_ Not helping, brain.

"That wanker comes in here, he's not walking out again."

"Spike, I... Please... You c-"

He was yanked face to face with a very cranky demon. "You gonna tell me I can't kill your folks, again?"

"I, um, no. I'm not telling you anything. I mean, obviously you can kill anyone you choose to and there's nothing I can do to stop you. And, well, with the glass throwing, I'd guess the claim gives you the right to kill him even if you didn't consider all humans free game." Xander felt a little sick to hear himself endorsing the right to murder, but clearly, citing human rules wasn't going to do anything but piss Spike off more.

The ridges faded, though the eyes gazing at him almost hopefully were still yellow. "You accepting my claim, Xander luv?"

_(Now __**there's **__a question I shouldn't be answering without consulting Giles, Deadboy and maybe a lawyer who specializes in pre-nups...) _"I um, I understand that you've made a claim on me, and I accept what that means from your perspective, if that makes sense?"

Spike looked a little disappointed but not angry. "Right then, you get why I'm going to gut the bastard."

"I get why you want to, and I- I agree that you can, but I'm still asking you not to. Um... for me? Please?"

"Why, pet? You can't tell me that was the first time it's happened or the worst things have gotten. Why wouldn't I kill someone who hurts my boy?"

_(I'm his boy! I'm his boy! Does he mean like a houseboy or like he calls Drusilla his girl?)_ Dammit, Xander was going to get a lobotomy if his brain didn't stop that. Focus on the part where he wants to kill your father. _(For hurting me. Because I'm his boy!)_

"I can't give you any reason you wouldn't, Spike. I don't even know why you don't kill me. I'm asking you not to kill him because it would really hurt me if you did, okay?" At the mulish look on Spike's face, he continued a little desperately. "Look, I think I've been really good about this whole crazy thing that you and Drusilla have with me, ya know? I haven't asked Giles or Miss C to try to undo your invitation, I went and pretended to drink blood tea with Dru and I didn't even tell the others about the cell phone because I didn't want them coming up with some plan to lure you with a fake distress call. You come here to chat and cuddle after probably murdering at least one person tonight, and it freaks me out but I try to deal with that like it's my problem and not something I should be hopelessly trying to stake you over!"

"Xander, love..."

"No! This is a freaky and weird relationship that by any logic I should be trying to escape, but I really like you so instead I try to keep you happy with me and the only thing I've ever asked is that you not kill people I make random comments about." He could hear his voice getting a little hysterical, but apparently it needed to come out. "So I don't see what's so horrible about me asking you for one person's life? As gifts go, it's not exactly high maintenance, the absence of a murder!"

"Alex, why the hell aren't you asleep?" He froze, listening for footsteps on the stairs, but the loud creak of springs instead indicated that dad had stood then decided the room was spinning too much to make the journey. "Shut up, up there or I'll come shut you up!"

He turned back to Spike expecting more rage, but was surprised to face blue eyes. "Pet... come'ere luv." _(Okay, one bout of yelling causes death threats, the next causes cuddling?)_ Once the vampire had him suitably arranged, he spoke quietly while stroking Xander's hair. "You are a lovely, perfect boy and you've pleased Dru and meself more than I can tell you. You deserve far better pressies than some worthless pissant's life, but if that's what you want then it's yours."

"Th- thanks." He meant both for the lack of death and the unexpected compliments, but decided to leave it vague.

"Now, that still leaves us with a bit of a problem, because aside from just not wanting you to be hurt, **no one** is allowed to harm me and Dru's kitten. It's an insult to us, and it won't be tolerated."

"Well, it's... It's not likely to be a problem for a while, this was the blowup and everything should settle down for a few weeks at least..." He trailed off in the face of Spike's implacable head shake.

"Sorry, that's not good enough, luv. If it was an exact science you wouldn't have come home tonight at all, or snuck in the back." _(Well, yeah. That's what I said. Spike's smart and has a nice shoulder.)_ Xander tried to ignore the comfy position he was in and focus on the vampire's words. "Way I see it, there's two choices. One is, you can come and stay at the Court with us, and I won't have to kill the wanker because he won't have the opportunity to hurt you anymore."

"Whoa, hang on!" Sitting up proved difficult with the vamp in full cuddle mode, so he settled for a slight change of neck angle to express his seriousness. "I can't move into a vamp lair! Aside from the lack of cable and presence of minions, Buffy and Giles would find out and it would be all over but the yelling and possible burning of buildings. I don't want to give up my friends and there's no way I can go to school and patrol while living there full time without, you know, knowing the address."

Spike had a rather self satisfied looking smirk. "Notice you haven't said you wouldn't like living with me."

_(No blushing! I am not a swooning maiden!)_ "I, well, just you I could- could probably handle. Drusilla is a little, um..."

"Bonkers?"

"I was going to say 'erratic'. And living with minions and that creepy kid would give me an ulcer in no time. But... but I think I could see myself living with you."

"Hmmmm..." Cuddle-Spike transformed with a slight shift onto his side and indefinable change in the way he was petting Xander's back into Sexy-Spike. "And if I wanted you to stay with me and didn't plan on giving you a separate bedroom, could you see that?"

_(Oh yeah, seeing it in technicolor as we speak.) _Avoiding gibbering by sheer force of will, he coughed and glanced away. "Well, uh, I have a sleeping bag, but I get knots in my back if I sleep in it on the floor..." He gave a cheeky grin at the annoyed snort and moved the conversation along before his stupid brain could hijack his mouth. _(I bet Spike gives great backrubs.) _"So what's the option where I don't move into vamp central and get an ulcer?"

More disappointed Spike-face, but he answered calmly. "I stay here tonight to make sure you're safe, and tomorrow morning you go out with your friends while I explain the situation to your folks."

_(Gulp.) _"And when you say explain, you mean...?"

He felt another comforting stroke to his back, and the response was in a surprisingly gentle tone. "Already told you I wouldn't kill him, pet, and your mum is part of the pressie too. Shouldn't even have to send the wanker to Casualty unless he really doesn't want to learn."

"Casualty?"_ (I shouldn't want him to even hurt my dad, but somehow this plan doesn't sound so bad.)_

"Emergency ward, or whatever you call it here. Not gonna even pretend that I won't hurt a hair on his head, but his life is yours."

For the second time that night, Xander was overcome with conflicting feelings. He was glad his parents weren't going to die, he was uncomfortable with the idea that he had the power to change his mind on that. He was afraid of the consequences of Spike intimidating his father into being nicer, he was grateful for the intervention. _(Speaking of grateful, wonder what you could do to show your gratitude?)_

Aaaand then there's the **sane** part of his brain that was more sensibly afraid of what the vampire might ask for in return. _(Well, if you're so worried about what he might ask for, why not make an offer yourself before he can?) _Shut- Huh, actually... that wasn't such a bad idea. If Spike was planning on spending the night _(In my bed!) _it was inevitable that he would be doing some kissing and snuggling and wiggling. _(Hmmmm... maybe nuzzling...)_

Hush brain. The point was that if Xander initiated some of the kissing and snuggling _(and wiggling?)_ it would probably satisfy any expected thanking without actually doing anything that wasn't going to happen anyway. And it definitely didn't count as gay if it was in the interests of saving lives, right?

_(Right, you've got plausible deniability, now jump the fun, affectionate, sexy vamp. And ya know, if dad's not going to be a threat anymore, you don't have to repress things he'd kill you for.) _He tried to scowl at his own brain. Nobody liked a smug winner.

"I guess that's gonna have to be it, then," he said when he realized his internal dialog had left a long gap in the external one. He moved around a little until he and the other man were face to face. "And Spike?"

"Yeah, pet?"

Xander made his first deliberate male-male kiss a light and quick one then leaned far back enough to say, "Thank you for the present." The utterly delighted look on the vampire's face, however, was all the motivation he needed to put significantly more effort into the second.

* * *

><p>Buffy was arguing with Giles when he came into the library Wednesday night. <em>(Wonder if this time is about needing to spend time as a normal teen or begging him to get a secret society and online coven to strengthen the curse on her ensouled vampire boyfriend?)<em> And to think his English teacher said he would never understand irony.

Normally he'd try to rescue the watcher, but Buffy seemed to be just hitting her stride and he might have a chance at up to 15 minutes of the uninterrupted Willow time that he'd been craving since the weekend. He could have called her, but this needed Best Friend Face Time.

"Hey Wills, how's every little thing? Say, we haven't had a good talk just the two of us for a while, maybe we could stay over here in the stacks for a while and talk about, um, you know, anything that we haven't talked about!"

He got a nose scrunch for his troubles. "Is there something wrong?"

"Wrong? Why would there need to be something wrong for me to want to talk to just you? Does it require a crisis to have some old friend time without the new friend there too?"_ (Oh yeah, very convincing.)_

The sad Willow eyes came out of nowhere and sucker punched him. "Oh, Xander... I really can't do this again."_ (Again? I would have remembered if this issue came up before.) _"I thought you were finally over Buffy. I mean, isn't the whole 'loves Angel even though it could risk her life to pursue it' thing a big enough clue that she's not interested?"

"Wha? Willow, slow down... in fact, come to a complete stop! I am definitely over Buffy. Over hill, over dale, complete over-ness!" He was apparently so over her that the suggestion made him a little squicky, but that was a thought for another time. "I don't want to talk to you **about** Buffy, I just want to talk to you about some stuff I don't want her knowing about right now."

"Oh... Well then, I guess we return to the 'is something wrong' question."

"Maybe a little." He sat with his back against a shelf and felt a wave of comfortable familiarity as she did the same. For just a moment he imagined he could look across the top of her head to see Jesse hunkered down on her other side._ (Wonder what he would think of this thing with Spike? Maybe if he'd been around, Dru would have liked him better.) _"It's got me confused, but I need you to promise you won't tell the Buffster about it. Or G-Man."

"Is this about Spike?"

"Yeah, but not in a 'someone's gonna die' sort of way, I'm not putting anyone in danger by keeping it from them, okay?"

Willow nodded. "What about him then?"

_(Right, I can do this. Best friend and all.) _"The thing is, um... I kinda kissed him this weekend."

Wow, he was getting to see everyone's gobsmacked look lately. "You... I mean... Angel kinda implied that him and Drusilla would be, um, interested in you..."

Xander could feel himself blushing. "Yeah, they have been, and, well, he's kissed me a few times, but this was **me** actually kissing **him**."

"Oh." She was silent for a long moment then, improbably, grinned. "So, was it better or worse than the time I dared you and Jesse to kiss each other?"

He didn't even try to stop the laughter, and for a few minutes until Deadboy came in and Giles called them all to the table, they made an unspoken pact to best-friend-dish about his kinda maybe boyfriend instead of worrying about his undead possible owner.

It was a nice break, and he was particularly grateful for it when halfway through a very dry explanation of the ramifications of modern communication on the size of territory a master vampire would try to hold, Xander's pocket started singing.

_'I wanna be yours pretty baby!'_

_Da duh da da DUH_

The other's looked at him with varying levels of annoyance and confusion.

_'Yours and yours alone!'_

_Da duh da da DUH_

"You have a cell?" Buffy switched from confusion to jealousy. "Mom won't even get me a beeper!"

_'I'm here to tell ya honey,'_

_Da duh da da DUH_

Since only one person knew the number (including him) the screen check seemed a little silly, but he found himself doing it anyway.

_'That I'm bad to the bone!'_

Somehow the song was a lot less surprising than the fact that Spike knew how to program custom ringtones.

"I, uh, I gotta take this, guys."

_'B-b-b-b-ba...'_

"Er, hi. What's up?" He considered trying to step away from the table for more privacy, but the looks he was getting indicated that it wouldn't stop anyone from paying attention.

"Hey pet, figured you'd be with the stakeateers, is the Great Poof there?" Angel's gaze sharpened, then he overtly glanced away.

"Yeah, Deadboy's in the house, er, library, do, um, do you want to talk to him?"

"Want, luv? No chance in hell, but I need to."

With a snicker Xander offered up the phone, but the vampire turned away. "There's no one I want to talk to who isn't already in the room, Harris."

Giles and Willow had guessed the source of the call by now.

"William the Bloody is calling Angel up on the phone?"

"Spike has a phone?"

"Is his a cell too? I'm so jealous!"

"Uh, yeah, he's not taking calls apparently, do you want me to tell him something?"

"Bloody tosser. I want him to get his head out of his arse and take the phone. Don't feel like airing family business in front of Slutty and Tweed Boy."

The older vampire actually growled slightly at the nicknames, but continued to pretend he couldn't hear Spike.

"Deadboy, he doesn't want me passing messages with the Watcher's Council represented here, he says it's family business."

"I kill vampires now, I don't call them family. And you don't need to pass any messages, just hang up because I'm not talking to him."

Xander heard his annoyed snort echoed from the the other end of the phone conversation and just said, "Sorry, Spike."

"Right then, we'll have to do this the hard way." Angel stiffened at that but it was the next words that had him standing and starting around the table. "Dru and I are at your place, I'll have Jessica put on a pot of tea and expect to see the lot of you soon. And Penn will be terribly sorry to hear he's no vampire family." The large hand about to snatch the cell away froze and Xander wondered for the second time if vamps could hyperventilate when they didn't need to breathe.

Spike had obviously heard the footsteps because his voice was smug before he hung up. "Your golden boy's in town, Peaches, and I'm sure he's just as eager as ever to do Daddy proud."

**A/N3 : I decided to skip the trauma and "you're not gay" for this fic. Seriously, they're So-Cal highschoolers of the late 90s, a little heteroflexibility in the face of near Depp levels of male beauty isn't a big deal. ;-p**


	16. Relations and Relationships Part III

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

**A/N : Bad Kahuna! Bad, bad, bad. Kahuna is lame and talks about herself in the third person.**

As the group left the high school, Angel was in full on brood mode. When Xander passed on Spike's last comments to the rest of the group, the vampire had just said, "I have to go if he's holding innocents hostage, and... they may not be family anymore but this is my business to fix." Now Buffy fluttered beside him with supportive and non-pushy concern and Giles looked curious but too reserved to pry.

_(Well, it's a hard job, but somebody's gotta do it.)_ "So Deadboy, who's Penn?" The others gasped or tutted according to their citizenship, and the brood changed to a thunderous scowl, but he wasn't intimidated. "He's important enough to Spike for him to call you and important enough to you that you're willing to talk to Spike, so I think the rest of us should be going into this with at least a little context."

"Wait, we aren't actually going to be talking, are we?" Buffy looked confused. _(I used to think that was cute.) _"I figured Xander and Willow get the hostages out, me and Angel stake the two bloodsuckers and Giles keeps an eye out for any extra minions."

Willow got a look that made him wonder how hard she's be working to save said hostages, but he'd already rejected the plan so let it slide. "Not gonna happen, Buff. You and Deadboy are not a guaranteed win vs Spike and Dru, and Spike won't be feeling sportsmanlike this time."

The stubborn Slayer-knows-best pout came out. "No offense, but I don't think you're qualified to veto battle plans, Xander."

_(Yeah, definitely over the Buffster crush.)_ "None taken, and I'm the only one here qualified to invite Captain Forehead into my house, which I'm not doing unless he promises to play this straight."

"This could be a trap for me or Angel!"

"And if it is, we'll deal with the situation as it happens," Deadboy stepped in firmly. He glanced at Giles who nodded his agreement and then Xander who grudgingly scowled his. "But I do need to talk to Spike about this new situation."

"Which brings us back to Penn, and does he have a brother named Pencil? Anyway, cough it up : who, how, where, when and why?"

_(And there's our old standby, the brooding sigh. Get a new expression, would ya?)_ "Penn was the first vampire I ever turned as a childe rather than a minion. He was a Puritan in the late 1700s and Angelus wanted to see how far such a pious man could fall. He only traveled with me for a short time - Darla didn't like him. Spike met him once and they loathed each other."

"So, he's more powerful than Spike?" Buffy, for once, seemed to have a reasonable amount of concern. Giles looked vaguely offended by the information.

"The Watcher's journals have no records of a vampire by that name in the Aurelius line. Does he go by any sort of alias?"

"No, his activities have probably been mistaken for those of a human serial killer, and attracted little Council attention. And he's older than Spike, but never showed the same interest or aptitude in fighting."

"So, um," Willow almost raised her hand which was cute in the library, but a little silly walking down the street. "If he's not as powerful and he wasn't really part of the whole 'Scourge of Europe' traveling vamp family, why would Spike call him your golden boy?"

Xander snorted. "I'm guessing that has to do with the 'serial killer' part, Wills."

_(Aaaand, there's the vampire hangdog look...)_ "Penn was much more like I had been, and I was never shy about expressing the preference to Spike. I'm sure he realizes that the guilt I feel now is just as strong as the pride I had then." Buffy put an arm comfortingly around his waist and glared at Giles when the Watcher seemed about to ask for more information. Xander was tempted to push anyway, but he could see his house, the porch light uncharacteristically on and Spike's huge black car parked up on the curb.

They paused at the front door, and he tried to look stern. "This is a talking meeting unless Spike starts something. If my parents die I get moved in with Uncle Rory and I will** never **forgive you. Come in, Deadboy." After a brief, offended look at the lack of barrier, Angel entered, and Buffy stepped behind him. She paused though in the doorway to look at Xander.

"I know they're your parents, and I'll do everything I can to protect them, but we're talking about two mass murderers here, Xan. If Spike takes one step out of line, I'm doing my job as the Slayer." Not giving him a chance to respond, she strode towards the living room, where Angel could be heard awkwardly greeting the humans. Grumpily following, Xander almost ran into her when she stopped dead in the doorway.

Luckily the Slayer was short enough for normal folks to see over her head. _(Wonder if that's on purpose for easier Watching?) _So he could see Drusilla sitting in the middle of the ugly floral print couch, holding his mother's hand on her left as she discussed something _(probably doll fashions) _with grave seriousness. Spike was in Dad's armchair, which had been covered by a tasteful blue throw _(I wouldn't let The Coat touch that upholstery either) _and pulled up beside the couch so he could talk to the blond woman on Dru's right.

The somewhat familiar blond woman who Buffy gaped at, frozen, for what seemed like a full minute before she squeaked out a single word somewhere between a question and a greeting.

"Mom?"

* * *

><p>Mrs Summers looked up with a smile that turned amused at the crowd in the doorway. "My, it seems Mr Pratchett was right about everyone wanting to be involved."<p>

"Now, luv, told you to call me William, didn't I?" Spike shared an affectionate smile with the Slayer's mother before turning to Buffy. "Told Joyce here about how Liam and I had some family business that Xander is helping us sort out and that close as you lot are, you'd probably all want to have your say in it." He lay his hand casually on the back of the couch, close enough to snap the woman's neck before even the supernaturally endowed among them could get a weapon out, and continued without even a hint of menace to his tone.

"Certainly can't object to you having an interest in Peaches, but seeing as you still live at home, I wouldn't want you proposing any solutions without considering the effects on your own family." Xander could practically feel Buffy vibrating in rage, but he didn't know if it was primarily from the implied threats against her mom, or the utterly friendly and helpful voice they were spoken in. Most of the group was similarly frozen, not sure how to address or end a threat that Mrs Summers wasn't aware of, especially since they would much prefer that she stay that way.

"That was a smart idea, William." _(And Deadboy steps up to the plate.)_ "I wouldn't have thought of that aspect of the situation." As Angel moved into the room to lean in as non threatening a pose as he could manage against a wall, a pleased expression flashed across Spike's face. "I don't think we'll need Mrs Summers here, though."

"No?" Spike just looked curious.

"No, I'm pretty sure we can work out what to do about the situation without involving Buffy, and then we won't have to explain all the minutia of our family issues before we can get down to it."

"Makes sense, and Jessica's here to make sure we don't get Xan into any trouble." The brilliant smile got a shy return from the hostess and apparently sparked Giles' attention.

"If you don't mind me asking, where exactly is Mr Harris tonight?"

"Oh, um, Tony would have been bored, and there was a game tonight he wanted to watch," Xander sensed Willow tensing beside him at the usual litany of excuses for the Harris brand of absentee parenting. "So Mast- uh, Mr Spike sent him out with one of his... er, associates, to see it at that bar downtown."

Those who expected confusion from Buffy's mom at the name slip were disappointed when she just turned to the vampire with a smile. "You never did get around to telling me why you chose that particular pen name."

Spike laughed as he stood and gathered Joyce's jacket and purse. "Silly, really. Was a bloke back home once said that he'd rather have railroad spikes pounded into his ears than hear my work. When things changed for me, I remembered that and sort of... turned it around on him as it were." Angel visibly shuddered, making Xander think the story was some variation on true, but no one else seemed to notice.

"Ah, nothing like reclaiming an insult. There's a lot of minority art on that theme. Anyway, Buffy and I will get home and let you all sort things out. Willow, do you need a ride?"

Giles opened his mouth to make some excuse but Spike beat him to it. "Oh no, Red here has been family to my Xan since he was in short pants... then again, in this town that could have been last week." Laughs both sincere and forced filled a pause for breath. "Wouldn't dream of interfering if she wants to give moral support, and Rupes here can cart her home after."

"Well, we better get going then. Oh and Buffy, William mentioned he was helping Xander with a big paper for English Lit, isn't that one of the classes you were having trouble in? You hadn't said anything and you can't put those off until the last minute. Maybe when we get home we can..."

As the door closed behind the Summers women, Spike dropped back into his chair and regarded the room with a smile less harmless but still pleased. "Right then. Jessica, luv, why don't you bring out some extra chairs and get that tea started, and we can get down to business."

* * *

><p>Xander ended up in the middle of the couch, with Dru moved to the end to be between him and Spike. He firmly denied any warm fuzzies that he was being trusted to protect her, or disappointment that he wasn't sitting with the blond vamp. Willow sat on his other side and swung between nervous and fascinated at the situation, while Giles and Angel were provided with chairs from the kitchen.<p>

His mom fluttered about playing hostess, which was fascinating in it's own right to Xander and Wills, who hadn't seen her this sober or attentive in years. Spike provided constant smiles and praise as she brought out chairs, tea and cookies. Giles sat as if he wished he could take notes. _(Great, another paper will be coming. 'Extension of Claiming Behaviour to the Families of Minor Claimants' with more neck pictures...)_

Might as well get the ball rolling. "So Spike, is this Penn guy one of the masters the Annoying One was calling on, or did he just show up on his own?"

"Little bit of both, Pet. Wanker was hanging round New York sucking up to one of Darla's older childer and heard about the summons. He'd have found out Dru and I were here and gotten curious and Peaches being around would just be the icing on the cake."

Angel leaned forward. "Fine, he's here, he knows I'm here and about the soul so he's going to do something gratuitously horrible to get my attention and try to get appointed Master of one of the local territories." He scowled at the younger vampire. "I can see you telling me just to upset me, but you did that on the phone. Why do you have a problem with Penn being here, and what do you want from me?"

The smile disappeared from Spike's face, and he reached over to tug his Sire a little closer as he spoke. "Penn is claiming seniority of line to gain regency of Dru and take secondary position to the Annoying One."

Xander could have sworn that Angel actually paled, and he didn't speak for a moment as thoughts almost visibly raced through his mind. The three humans were less constrained.

"Um, what's seniority of line, Spike? Do you mean like he's less steps from the Master cause he's Deadboy's childe instead of grandchilde?"

"What exactly do you mean by regency, I've never read of such a vampiric tradition."

"And, um, don't take this the wrong way, but why should Angel get involved? Does it really matter which of his Childer is helping the Court and caring for Drusilla?"

Turning from the older vampire, Spike smiled approvingly at Xander. "Just so, luv. We're both direct line, but he's a step senior in acknowledged sires." With a significantly less friendly glance he added, "Means exactly what it does for humans, wanker, and it's not a 'vampiric tradition' being as masters turned without the sanity to stay out of the sun aren't exactly thick on the ground."

Angel nodded. "Drusilla presented a unique challenge to the Master and his court. She clearly had the power of a master vampire, especially after she successfully turned Spike as a childe, but she was too unstable to be granted the full privileges and responsibilities of one. The Master took a page from the royalty he'd observed over the centuries and said that she could only leave the Court if another master of the line was her regent."

"I told Grandpapa that of course I would stay with Daddy and listen to him." Drusilla started to reach towards her sire, but checked herself and hissed instead. "But the nasty spark took Daddy away and Grandmummy wanted me to stay at home and travel no more until my dark knight earned his spurs and could go with me."

"Dru and I haven't held territory, so no one's really seen the advantage of her abilities to get interested, and we'd always do favors for that bitch Sire of yours, Peaches, so she didn't need to pull rank and take regency, and we've been left alone a good century."

Angel growled slightly. "Don't talk that way about-"

"About the vampire you dusted?" _(Kicked puppy Deadboy is back! Guess staking Darla was a bigger deal than he made it out to be.)_ "Yeah, heard all about it from the minions." Spike's tone softened slightly. "Also heard she pretty much forced you to make a choice and didn't get the outcome she expected. Won't be making the same mistake, believe me. I know full well you wouldn't have picked me over your latest project back in the day, much less your new little clan."

"Fine." The older vampire looked sullen but less kicked. "What is it that you want?"

"Acknowledge me as your Childe to the Annoying One and his Court."

_(Hey, hyperventilating Deadboy just doesn't get any less amusing!)_

* * *

><p>"How exactly is Angel meant to address the Court without being killed?"<p>

_(Ten points to Giles for getting practicality on the agenda, but...)_ "How can he do that, you said Dru was your Sire?"

"And um, not to repeat myself, but why should he help, aside from the whole hostage issue?"

Angel seemed to jump on Willow's question as the easiest to cope with out of the current crop. "It's the same thing we talked about on the way over - Spike and Penn are very different vampires. Spike is more dangerous in the sense that he has the desire and potential ability to kill Buffy or myself." The younger vampire didn't quite succeed in avoiding visible preening, but was at least dignified about it. "But in terms of the populous at large, as long as the issues with local masters and non vampire friendly demons are keeping him busy, Spike is no more dangerous than any other member of the court."

"Maybe less," Xander put in when it looked like the assessment wasn't being taken as an insult. "Since he's not leaving crumbs."

Angel nodded. "There is that." He seemed ready to say more on the subject, but then focused back on Willow. "Penn is going to raise the body count around here and it's going to be ugly. And if he has Drusilla's visions to keep him out of Buffy's path and the court's resources to draw on, there's no telling how far he'll go."

"Daddy has a plan," he suddenly heard whispered in his ear. Dru sounded downright giddy. "He thinks William can keep the dogs in line if he leads the pack." Spike glanced towards them sharply, but Deadboy quickly moved the conversation on.

"As for the 'how', when Spike was presented to the court for the first time, he was introduced as Drusilla's Childe because she had turned him, but I stated my intent to... well, for want of a better term, raise him as a master of the line. Obviously I wasn't there when the Court recognized him as a master, and I doubt I'd have been given standing if I was..."

"Darla was still dusting anyone who said your name at the time," the blond put in helpfully.

"But if I swear that I was his Sire in that sense, he and Penn have the same standing as Masters of the Line. Though Penn would still be his senior by almost a century, so I don't see it helping much."

Dru giggled happily and wagged a finger in her sire's face. "Ah ah, a squire with hair of silver must still give way to a lad who has knelt and arisen a knight."

Willow and Giles got their "What?"s at the same time and with identical inflection. Xander held back the urge to applaud and just gave Wills a quick hand squeeze while he explained.

"She means that Spike became a master before Penn even though he's younger by turning date."

"What?" Angel's was late and more annoyed than confused. _(No medal for the vamp competitor.) _"The court was split on his recognition in '95, but I was certain they'd accept him in the next decade!"

"They did, Peaches. Three years after me."

The older vampire looked disgusted. "They made you a master just for killing a Slayer?"

"No, you git, they recognized me as a master for running the sodding gauntlet after a week of starvation under that wanker Seth."

Something in Deadboy's attitude changed, and he waved Giles aside when the watcher started to ask for clarification. "Alright, so you've got mixed seniority by age and, if I acknowledge you, the same in the line. You'll take care of Penn?"

"If he challenges me for Dru or court standing, I certainly won't be giving him mercy." Spike had sensed the change as well, and his posture became less defensive. _(Angel is dealing with him as an equal. An adult instead of a potentially dangerous kid. Wonder if Deadboy could handle the gauntlet thing?) _"Could probably call him out on some comments he made when he was trying to pull rank, but if he's smart enough to apologize, the Annoying One won't want me dusting him for old grudges."

"If you want me to be your Sire..."

"Want you to say you **were** my Sire." _(Great, poke at his abandonment issues, that will keep things civil.)_ "If you want to claim Sire's Rights, you'd have to take some interest in whether Dru dusts or not. Otherwise, I need to stay on the fledge-king's good side until she's cured."

The older vampire looked at his frail child and maybe he did care just a little. "I might... We can talk about it once the seniority issue is settled without me getting staked."

"Angel?" Giles sounded downright shocked.

"There are options, things Spike could do that fall under maintaining a well run territory but would make things safer in Sunnydale." He avoided the Watcher's eyes. "If I'm going to officially be his Sire again, we should at least consider the possibilities."

"Oh!" Xander had never been so worried to hear his best friend's 'I've got an idea!' noise. _(Don't say it, Wills, just wait until this is all over and we'll talk about it alone.)_ "Could you make Spike un-claim Xander?"

_(Psychic shields still up, Captain.)_ Shut up, brain, this isn't time for jokes. What it was time for, it seemed, was looking at Spike, hoping for one unguarded glimpse of how the question affected him.** If **it affected him.

He looked in time. He saw the tiniest flinch and the sorrow that underlay weary resignation when the vampire looked at him in return. And he grinned in a way he hoped was reassuring as he patted Willow's hand.

"Naw, the Sire's Rights stuff only matters with unaccepted claims, so it won't change anything. But anyway, is the Annoying One going to give Deadboy safe passage to make the official statement or will he accept a notarized letter?"


End file.
